77 thoughts on the birth of expectant mothers
When a woman has her baby, her thoughts are not just about the excruciating pain and joy of having the baby. The following 77 points summarize what every mother thinks during childbirth but would never admit.
- Ouch, that hurts!
- I think I’m in labour.
- I should probably go to the hospital.
- Where’s the bag I packed ?
- Oh – who cares – I’M IN PAIN!
- Oh, the floor is dirty. Should I just wipe it down?
- How can I bring my baby home only when the floor is dirty?
- I will be a terrible mother.
- Ooooooo!!!
- DRIVE FASTER!
- Since when does it take so long to get admitted to the hospital?
- Maybe I can have an epidural put on while I’m filling out these forms.
- Wait a minute, this is a joke, isn’t it? Why can’t I be admitted yet?
- But my cervix keeps dilating as we speak.
- Does my cervix have to be more dilated first?
- Please don’t make me have the baby here on the waiting room floor.
- He would never forgive me for that.
- Or you.
- I wish so much to finally meet this child!
- I wish at least as much that people finally stop asking me what it’s going to be like.
- Aaaaaa! Am I actually saying “ouch” every 30 seconds now?
- A room! Great, finally a room!
- Okay, how do you put this shirt on?
- It probably doesn’t make any difference now.
- I think it might help if I take off my underwear.
- Hopefully nobody minds that I haven’t shaved in a while.
- Is my husband really snapping pictures of me suffering in silence in a hospital gown connected to an IV?
- If he posts it somewhere, it’s over!
- Maybe he can make himself useful and organize a PDA.
- Oh no, I can take the pain.
- OK, I tried. And now finally give me a PDA!!!
- I’m more than willing to have my spinal cord stabbed.
- Why is the anesthetist talking to my husband about the German national team?
- I can’t push when I’m in so much pain!
- Ah, that’s better. As far as I’m concerned, it can stay like this for a while.
- Unfortunately, I have to push a little human through my birth canal.
- Unless my cervix is not fully dilated and I need a cesarean section .
- It’s been a long time since nobody came in here. Not even the anesthesiologist to keep talking shop with my husband.
- I hope the baby’s heartbeat is okay.
- The lines on the monitor look so… squiggly. I better call a nurse.
- Women in labor are allowed to be loud and assertive. Speaking of contractions…
- Women have given birth in taxis and in rice fields. How hard can it be?
- The doctor says my cervix is four inches dilated! It’s show time!
- Oh shit, that’s hard. And speaking of shit, please don’t leave me around others… well, you know.
- Why is the nurse yelling at me?
- Oh, I should probably push.
- It’s like in the dream where I have to go to the toilet and everyone is watching. Only here two people are holding my legs apart and I’m not sitting on the toilet.
- My husband yells, “You can do this!”
- He doesn’t have to hold his breath for ten seconds and then tense muscles he didn’t even know existed.
- I have to say, my body is amazing!
- Much better than the male body. The population of the earth would probably be much smaller if males had the wombs.
- That takes so long. Are the heart sounds still okay?
- I hear an unrhythmic beeping.
- Oh, that’s my husband’s iPad. He’s playing a video game?!?!?!
- It’s definitely over between us!
- Once he helped me bring this child into the world.
- Aaaaaaa! That pain again!
- I hope this kid will appreciate what I’m doing for him here. Or you.
- why is my husband crying
- And why is the nurse putting my hand between my legs? Isn’t there enough going on already?
- Oh my god, that’s the head! The baby is coming!
- My husband yells, “It’s coming!”
- He will be the best father in the world.
- Look how much he loves his child. And he hasn’t even met him yet. Or you.
- Whoever you are, we already love you.
- It’s okay that we’ve been in the hospital for nine hours. Take your time.
- Is that you who is crying?
- Is the nurse really putting you straight in my arms? I can’t believe I’m holding my baby.
- My baby.
- I have to get used to saying that.
- you are really mine
- And you are just perfect.
- It’s like my whole life has led to this one moment.
- How can I tell my husband how much I love him?
- We actually did it.
- He’s dad now. And I’m a mother. And we both love you so much.
- I’ve never loved anyone as much as you!