Motherly love: This is how your child notices that you love him
Motherly love can express itself in many different ways and in search of the “right” way, parents like to be unsettled. Trust in one’s own feelings and abilities is often the best counselor. We will give you a few additional tips on how to show motherly love in everyday life.
Motherly love makes strong and happy children
They cause chaos, scream in the supermarket and get stubborn at homework – even if it is sometimes difficult, most parents love their children. Showing this also presents you as a parent with a completely different challenge and is often accompanied by a guilty conscience. Do I have too little time for my child? Was I too strict today? Stress and quarrels are simply part of everyday life and do not make a messed up childhood. Through motherly love, a basic feeling of love, security and trust is conveyed. This makes children strong and allows them to grow up confidently.
Motherly love in everyday life – does my child feel that I love it?
Every child is different, and while one can’t get enough of cuddling, the other fidgets after a few minutes and prefers to romp. You know your child and his idiosyncrasies and will certainly find out what he wants from you and what he needs. In addition, we give you a few tips that can help you:
- Rituals: Rituals may only take a few minutes, but still give your child a lot of security. For example, a breakfast together or a story in the evening are simple rituals. Or maybe you prefer to play a very specific game on the way to the supermarket, which is only intended for supermarket visits. What new rituals can you imagine in your family?
Note: Remember that a ritual thrives on its permanence. Don’t plan for anything that wouldn’t work most days. You can find out more about this topic in our article “Rituals make everyday life easier for children”. - Cuddling, cuddling, stroking: Children enjoy physical closeness and the feeling of security, but the cuddling hours together are sometimes neglected in stressful everyday life. Consciously take time for cuddles. Try to get up a little earlier, then you can cuddle your little one in the morning before the everyday madness breaks out.
- Undivided attention: Of course, your child cannot and should not always be the center of attention. But children also want to be taken seriously and heard. A good opportunity, for example, is to eat together. What did your child experience today? What did they get angry about or happy about? You will be surprised what you can learn about your offspring with interested listening.
- Crazy surprises: Imagine a normal day, but suddenly someone picks you up for a spontaneous getaway. Surprises are exciting, fun and don’t have to cost much. Instead of lunch at the kitchen table, there is a picnic in the park. Instead of playing in the children’s room, you do a scavenger hunt across the apartment. Or in the evening, the TV stays off and everyone just plays their favorite show themselves. You can probably think of something funny with which you can surprise your child.
- “I love you”: It sounds so simple that parents sometimes forget it – a little praise or loving words make children happy. Pay attention to how often you say something nice to your child. It is happy about a simple “I love you” or “I think it’s great that you cleaned up today”. You are working and hardly see your child on some days? Then write him small messages and put them on his pillow or in the lunch box.
- Be good to yourself: If you always miss out on your own wishes and needs, it’s no wonder that you go through the day stressed and in a bad mood. Children have fine antennae and feel your dissatisfaction. Take regular little breaksand do something just for you. Family, friends or a reliable babysitter will certainly take good care of your little one during this time.
Motherly love put to the test
If anger, disappointment and rejection overshadow your motherly love, you should take your time and think about the reasons:
- Children sometimes drive us to white heat. In these moments, psychologists recommend linking negative feelings to the action, and not to the person. By being aware that you are not rejecting your child, but what he is doing, it will be easier for you to deal with the situation. Of course, you can also let off steam, but without hurting your child physically or verbally. Tell your children what’s annoying you right now in clear “I-messages”: “I’m annoyed that you didn’t get home on time.” – “I’m so angry right now because you don’t want to help with the dishes.” If you are really angry, it can help if you briefly escape the situation to come down again.
- It is often mothers who torment themselves with self-doubt and high expectations. Job, child, household, partner – everything should work perfectly. But children often don’t want the way we imagine. Frustration spreads and shakes the ideal of the always patient and loving mother. What do you expect from yourself as a parent? Are your demands on you perhaps too strict? Always remember: the perfect parents – fortunately – do not exist. Your mistakes and quirks are part of you and children who experience their parents as authentic people can later confidently deal with their own mistakes.
- If your motherly love is permanently absent, you should seek help. Maybe an open conversation with a trusted person will help. You can also receive support, for example, from public counselling centres in your city, such as Caritas or Diakonie. The offer is usually free of charge.