Quarrels in the relationship: how to avoid them
Every couple has arguments in the relationship. This is completely normal and usually you make up quickly. But what if the relationship is only dominated by arguments? What can be done to prevent disagreements from escalating? We give tips on how partners can argue with each other without jeopardizing their relationship.
There are arguments in every relationship. But if this keeps recurring at regular intervals and endangers the partnership , you should get to the bottom of the problem. Is it maybe because you don’t listen well enough or your partner keeps interrupting you? Then it may be that there are problems in communication and trigger the quarrel in the relationship. Our article “ 10 tips for better communication with your partner ” shows how couple communication can be optimized .
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ToggleDon’t let arguments in the relationship escalate
Perhaps, when there is a dispute in the relationship, it is all too easy to get carried away into immediately countering every pointed remark made by your partner. In most cases, this leads to the fact that the dispute escalates. Perhaps it is better when listening to pay attention not only to the words your partner is saying, but also to the feelings behind them. This can prevent personal insults from blocking the view of the actual cause of a problem and escalating the dispute in the relationship.
Find the cause of the quarrel in the relationship
A typical example of a quarrel in the relationship is when the partner is asked about a purchase, completely stunned: “How could you only spend so much money?”. One has the feeling that this opinion is reproached and feels that one has to defend oneself. But instead of pointing out the expensive stereo he just bought last month, calm down. With a little insight, you can see the real reason for the fight in the relationship. For example, that the partner may not necessarily care about a few euros more or less, but that it bothers him much more that he was left out with such a large purchase. He probably would have liked to have been involved in the decision. In such a situation it is therefore important that you first pause and only then answer. If you’re having a fight in your relationship, count to three in your head, take a deep breath, and calm down. After that, you can usually argue more factually and better understand your partner’s feelings.
Remain objective when there is a dispute in the relationship
If a dispute in the relationship degenerates into a verbal boxing match, you can try to stay on topic. One should not focus on the person but on the thing. This avoids wild accusations that are actually not meant that way. This way, the argument can still become constructive.
quarrel in the relationship? Talk about feelings!
“You have…”, “You do…”, “You are…” A quarrel in a relationship very often results in the quarrel becoming personal. They then see the problems in the other person and only make accusations. Instead, you should try to talk about your feelings: “But I feel like this…” is a good approach. This not only stops reproachful behavior during a dispute, but also makes it clear what the problem is for you personally. That takes the heat out of the conflict and you can take the volume out of the discussion.
Admit mistakes in a relationship
Of course, when there is a dispute in the relationship, it can always happen that something is said that you later regret. You should also be open to this later and apologize to your partner. One should not remain stubborn and insist on the mistakes of the other. The argument in the relationship cannot be ended by constantly assigning blame. Admitting your mistakes is the first step towards reconciliation. Because only those who are honest with themselves can demand that their partners be treated fairly.