Recognize and overcome jealousy

Jealousy: victim of one’s own mind

Jealousy is usually easy to spot. It’s an impulsive emotion that’s not easily suppressed. That’s why jealousy often becomes a problem in a relationship, because it steers the jealous person and makes them do things that they wouldn’t do in quiet – i.e. non-jealous – moments. An example is spying on your partner’s smartphone.

Whether you are jealous in the relationship or your partner is jealous, realize that highly jealous people are victims of their own minds. They become angry and indignant because their minds are suggesting things that do not correspond to reality.

Recognize jealousy in yourself

A strong jealousy is easy for you to recognize. You see red as soon as your partner even looks at someone else – even if it is completely harmless. Other clear signs are: You develop an obsession for control, you want to know where your partner was, who he was with. For this you ask him regularly, until it becomes uncomfortable for your partner. If he doesn’t provide satisfactory answers, you start spying on him. You check his cell phone and his e-mails, maybe even follow him.

But there is also hidden jealousy that is not so easy to spot. If you are jealous of a certain person (for example your partner’s best friend or nice work colleague), this person will take over your thoughts as soon as you calm down a bit. Another sign: You often compare yourself to others and feel unattractive or dumber than them.

Still not sure if you’re jealous? Then just imagine your partner traveling alone for a week – whether privately or on business. Is this thought unbearable for you? Would you ask yourself who he is traveling with right now? Does he find this person nice and attractive? This can be the first sign of jealousy.

Identify jealous women

In general, it can be said that jealous women can be recognized by the following characteristics:

• They are very quiet, especially when their partner is talking to other women.
• They want to leave a party as soon as their partner is enjoying themselves/talking to another woman.
• She often draws her partner’s attention to other women. She does this to get confirmation from her partner that she has much nicer hair, eyes, curves, etc.
• She asks other people about her partner and wants to know everything exactly – for example where he was when with whom.

Recognize jealousy in men

Jealous men can be recognized by other characteristics. While women sometimes act subtly, men often go on the offensive.

• A jealous man often wants to know everything about his partner’s ex-relationship. Already on the first date there are many questions about past relationships.
• Check-up calls or constant texting is another sign of jealousy. Women often have to answer questions about where they are at the moment and what they are doing with whom.
• When jealousy is strong, men often lose control of their emotions. Among other things, you check your partner’s clothes to make sure they aren’t too revealing for the office or a party. Male friends and acquaintances are also a red rag for the jealous man. They often ask their partner to limit or even break off contact altogether.
• Pathologically jealous men (but also women) manipulate their partners and those around them. They isolate their partner and make them feel bad if they want to meet other people. In addition, pathologically jealous people often tend to make their entire happiness in life dependent on their partner.

This is how you can conquer jealousy

What to do with jealousy Jealousy often affects people with low self-esteem. You should always do something about jealousy. Not only because of the current relationship, but also because of possible future partnerships.

To combat jealousy , you should realize that your partner shouldn’t be the only purpose in your life. This will only make you more dependent on him. That means: A stable circle of friends and healthy relationships with the family are always good prerequisites for not getting too attached to your partner.

If you are the jealous one in the relationship, realize that the jealousy comes from you. You don’t manage your jealousy by controlling or trying to change your partner – only if you accept that the problem comes from you. You have it in your hands to take away the power that jealousy has over you and the relationship.

Is your partner out with friends or colleagues? Then write down your thoughts and feelings. What are you afraid of? What do you think your partner is doing right now? Then you write down what your partner is probably really doing. Instead of (as your fear suggests) talking to a pretty stranger, he will just have a beer with buddies or colleagues. Finally, the third step is the reality comparison. Agree with your partner that you can make a quick phone call or have him text you and tell you what he is really doing. You will see that this has little to do with the horror scenarios in your head.

Jealousy is normal . However, if it gets the upper hand, you should get help. In the case of pathological jealousy, the above tips no longer help. In this case, therapy against jealousy with a psychologist is the best choice. If the jealousy cannot be brought under control despite all attempts, the only solution is often a separation. Jealousy poisons the relationship and robs it of any basis of trust. Too much jealousy only drives your partner away. A separation is then inevitable.

So that it doesn’t come to that, ask your partner for help and work on yourself. Then your love will have a chance.