Ways to deal with the grief of a Star Child

Time to mourn your star child

You felt your child growing in your belly, you were looking forward to a future with him and suddenly everything is over: your child has become a star child . This is a harrowing experience that will throw your world out of joint. The grief for your star child is painful, but it is important so that you can process what happened and thus accept it at some point. Which path of grief is best for you depends on your individual feelings. The following actions and rituals have helped many parents cope with the grief of their star child:

• Saying goodbye consciously: Many parents of a stillborn child find it helpful to look at their child, to hold and dress it, and thus to keep it in their memories. There are now numerous initiatives that provide hospitals with self-made clothing for the little star children, which they can then wear at a funeral . If this is not possible, perhaps because your child died very early in the pregnancy, another ritual, such as releasing a balloon, can help you say goodbye to your child.
• Create keepsakes: A photo or a handprint of your star child can be a beautiful memory that you can look at again and again. Larissa Reinboth, for example, has made this her task; she gives comfort and strength to grieving parents through her works . Keeping ultrasound photos, a memorial page on the internet or regular rituals on the anniversary of death are also ways to create a souvenir for your child. Of course, your star child will always remain in your heart, but small material reminders can make the pain in moments of sadness more bearable for you and let your deceased child be very close to you.
• Talking about your grief: Talking about your feelings is definitely one of the most important steps in dealing with the loss of your child. Most importantly, talk to your partner. He will be just as saddened by your child’s death as you are, even though he may not show it that way. Men grieve differently than women, their grief often takes place in secret. But if you talk to each other, it will show you that you are not alone in your grief for your star child. This will give you both comfort and strength. Talking to family and friends can also help you cope with your grief. Moms have also shared their grief on MomaSquad. The emotional testimonials are called “ My first child was a star child ” and “My Unforgotten Star Child ”.
• Sharing with others affected:Unfortunately, many parents of star children do not always find the understanding around them that they desire. For those who are not affected, it is often very difficult to understand what the parents are going through. In addition, they usually had no opportunity to get to know the star child and thus establish a relationship with him. As a result, they often feel helpless towards their grieving parents and do not know how to behave. Statements such as “You’re still young and can still have many children” or “Who knows what the good of it was” should certainly be encouraging. But many affected parents feel hurt by such words. A sympathetic ear and compassion will certainly help you more in your situation than well-intentioned advice. So it is understandable that many parents can best share their pain with other affected parents. In recent years, numerous platforms have emerged on the Internet that make an intensive exchange possible. Self-help groups offer the same thing: clubs like thatThe Rainbow Initiative or the Orphaned Parents Association have made it their task to bring affected parents together and support them in their grief. They can also provide you with contacts and groups in your area.

Professional help in mourning a star child

If, even after a long time, you cannot find a suitable way for yourself to cope with the grief for your star child, you have the feeling that you cannot cope with the loss of your child or you are plagued by deep feelings of guilt, you should seek professional help, for example one psychologists. Grief certainly takes time, but at some point it should subside and you should be ready to face the future positively again. This is especially true when it comes to getting pregnant again. In many cases, there is nothing to prevent this even after a miscarriage or stillbirth, but you should go through it as light-heartedly as possible. Because a good mental state is an important cornerstone for a positive course.