If your four-year-old lies, what to do?

At this age, your child still has a very vivid imagination. But it slowly learns to separate wishful thinking from reality. From the age of four, children can distinguish between truth and lies. You know lying is wrong. They are not very experienced and when they lie it is usually obvious. But they learn quickly and become more and more adept at lying, because they wonder whether their listener can believe the story or not.

where does the lying come from

Between the ages of three and four, your child learns something very important: Thoughts are private. They realize that other people’s heads look different than their own. And it understands more and more clearly that incorrect information produces a different reaction than correct information. It learns how to manipulate the people around it to get what it wants. This can be for selfish reasons, such as because they really want to watch TV, or to protect a friend from punishment or to help them.

Why your four year old is lying

At the age of four, children lie for the same reasons as adults: fear of punishment, a desire for recognition to gain an advantage, being overwhelmed, and to protect against a guilty conscience. They may also want to avoid conflict, increase self-esteem, and protect a friend from punishment. With a lie, the child tries to get what he wants. It hasn’t developed a conscience like adults, but it’s beginning to learn the difference between right and wrong.

How should you react when your four-year-old is lying?

• Stay calm: First you should take a deep breath. Talking to your child in anger will not do anything. Only when you are calm can you talk to your child about the situation.
• Ask yourself “why”: First you should find out why your child lied. Maybe his imagination has run away? And if they lied, ask yourself why: Was your child afraid to tell you the truth, or is it protecting a friend? Or maybe it wants to get your attention?
• Show your child that you love them: Your child has done something illegal and in order not to lose your affection they are lying. Show him that you love him no matter what, and next time he can feel safe telling you the truth.
• Explain to your child that honesty is important: Children must be raised to be honest. Explain to him matter-of-factly that telling the truth is very important and why. Consciously telling the truth is a moral stance. It arises when your child experiences the benefits of truth in a powerful way. It can be helpful to read fairy tales like “Peter and the Wolf” to your child and to talk about them.
• Consequences yes, punishment no: Your child should learn that lying has consequences. It is best to use the lie to explain to him what the consequences will be for the child and for those around him who have been hurt or disappointed by the lie.
• Tell your child what you expect: Use different situations to explain to your child how to behave. For example, if they want a snack, tell them they have to ask first. In this way, your child learns to know boundaries and to follow rules.
• Build trust: Show your child that they can also tell you about their mistakes and mishaps. Don’t punish them for being outspoken. This way you avoid that your child gets afraid to tell you the truth.
• Show trust: So that your child does not lie, you should always show him that you trust him, even if you have caught him lying several times. Distrust causes your child to lose faith in their own moral abilities and may feel like you don’t believe them anyway, even if they’re telling the truth.
• Praise your child: When your child admits to a mishap, you should praise them for it. This is how you encourage honesty.
• Be a role model: Children learn from their parents. If you or your partner set an example of owning up to mistakes and accepting the consequences, your child can learn this from you. If, on the other hand, you quickly resort to little white lies, allow yourself to be denied over the phone, or blame others for mistakes, then your child will surely copy it from you and imitate it. It will rightly ask itself why adults are allowed to lie and deny themselves on the phone, but are punished by you for such lies.