Patchwork: Getting the child used to the new partner

In this way, the child can get used to the new partner

• Even before a new partnership is entered into, mothers or fathers should ensure that the separation between him or her and the child’s father or mother is well regulated. This will result in fewer problems for the new relationship. The possibility for the child to have a stable relationship with both parents should therefore definitely be given. The child should not have to worry about losing its other parent through the new partner.
• No matter how strong the infatuation, parents should not immediately tell their child about a new relationship. You should first give your new partnership time until you are sure of your cause. Only then can you begin to get your child used to the new partner.
• In order to get a child used to its partner, it is ideal if the first meeting between the two is as informal and relaxed as possible. It is advisable to combine it with an activity that is equally enjoyable for the child and the partner. Depending on the age of the child, this can be a picnic, a visit to the zoo, a movie night or even a concert. Both are then relaxed and also find easy access to each other. They may discover that they have common interests. The new partner does not have to be introduced as such right away. It is sufficient if the child knows that he or she is a friend. The advantage of an excursion: The first meeting can and may be short. Thus, the child is not forced to spend the whole day with the new partner,
• After the first meeting, the partner should take part in family activities more often, and after a while also in everyday things like eating dinner together. Thus, the offspring initially sees him more as a guest and not as an intruder. In this way, the child can slowly get used to the new partner.
• The time spent together between partners also means a shift in attention for the offspring: the child’s jealousy is therefore completely normal. Especially if the mother or father has been living alone with their child for a long time. It’s important that you talk openly with your child and show him that you still love him as much as you did before. In addition, existing rituals, such as falling asleep or eating, should continue to be maintained.
• It can help to openly show the child that their partner is good for them. Some children can build trust in their new partner from mum or dad more quickly.
• The new partner should establish an independent relationship with the child. It should therefore be clear to him or her that he or she cannot replace the other biological parent. Whether fishing or handicrafts: maybe the two share common interests. Not only do they spend more time together, but they can also develop a very personal relationship with each other.
• It should be made clear to the new partner: No matter how unsympathetic he or she finds the child’s father or mother, he or she must not badmouth him or her in front of the children. In the presence of the child, he or she should only speak respectfully about him or her.
• When the child has started to get used to the new partner and the relationship between the partners has strengthened, the plan for a common home may be formed. Whether one moves to the other or the partners look for a shared apartment: this step is usually viewed rather critically by children. On the one hand, the child is certainly happy that the new partner is always there, but on the other hand, a new partner and especially a shared apartment show that the separation of the parents can no longer be reversed. Parents should therefore speak openly with their children about their fears.