Blended family: rights and responsibilities of a stepmother
As a stepmother, you have the task of supporting your partner in the care and upbringing of his child. But what exactly is expected of you? Find out more about your rights and obligations as a stepmother here.
When do you speak of a “stepmother”?
A stepmother is the colloquial term for the new partner of one of the two biological parents of a child. In the eyes of the law, however, there is only talk of a “stepmother” if one of the biological parents is married to the new partner. This also means that as a stepmother you only have special rights and obligations towards your partner’s child if you are married or you and your partner live in a registered partnership.
Stepmother’s petty custody
As a stepmother, you have neither parenting rights nor custody of your stepchild. As a spouse, however, you should support your partner in exercising parental responsibility. Difficult situations can arise in everyday life, because the child is mainly looked after and cared for by you and you have to make important decisions. Your partner can therefore assign you “small custody” according to §1687b of the German Civil Code. This means that, with your partner’s consent, you can have a say in everyday things that affect their biological child, provided they do not have an impact on the child’s development that is difficult to change.
Examples of everyday matters include:
- everyday school life
- Medical supplies
- leisure activities
- television consumption
- pocket money
However, as a stepmother you cannot decide on the following matters:
- Registration for school and kindergarten
- operations
- vaccinations
Of course, it’s different when an emergency situation requires quick action, for example because your stepchild has an accident. For the good of the child, you can then also agree to an operation without first contacting the persons having custody.
Other rights of the stepmother
- Visitation rights: As a stepmother, you are regarded as a close reference person for your partner’s child, but you have no visitation rights. If you have lived with your stepchild for a long time and your partner separates from you, you have no right to see the child regularly afterwards. However, if it serves the well-being of the child, visitation rights can be granted according to Section 1685 Paragraph 2 of the German Civil Code.
- Remaining Order: The Civil Code protects the relationship between stepmother and stepchild under certain circumstances. If your partner dies, your stepchild can stay with you through a stay-at-home order, even though the other birth parent has custody. However, it should be added here that permanent residence with the stepmother is not common. The arrangement is usually temporary in order to make it easier for the child to move to the other legal guardian. However, it will be extended if the family court suspects that the child’s welfare will be endangered by the move.
- Inheritance law: Since you as a stepmother are not related to your stepchild in the legal sense, your stepchild is not entitled to inherit if you die, for example. According to §1924 BGB, only one’s own children can be considered in the legal succession. Stepmother and stepchild can only inherit from each other if this is recorded in a will or in an inheritance contract.
Your stepchild has no direct claim to maintenance from you. However, since you have committed yourself as a spouse to support, you should support your partner in fulfilling his maintenance obligation. This does not mean that as a stepmother you can legally be asked to pay if your partner does not pay for the child’s maintenance. However, it would be reasonable for you to contribute more to the common costs such as rent, food or insurance contributions in order to give your partner space for the maintenance payments. Stepchildren are therefore more indirectly financially supported by the stepmother.