Non-violent upbringing: How to succeed

Violence in education prohibited by law

The following law came into effect at the end of 2000: “Children have the right to a non-violent upbringing. Physical punishment, mental injuries and other degrading measures are not permitted.” (§ 1631, paragraph 2 BGB) This text not only prohibits slapping and other hits, but also mental injuries in the form of insulting insults, humiliation, disregard and neglect.

Reasons for a non-violent upbringing

Why was violence in upbringing and, in principle, against children finally officially banned? What effects does violence have on your child?

• If a child experiences violence from someone stronger, this means that the child is belittled and his dignity violated. We all know the degrading effect of a slap in the face.
• The child’s will is broken.
• Violent parents are a negative role model. Children who have been hit also hit themselves, especially later on their own children.
• Hitting is scary and fear is stupid. While hitting can keep children from doing something that’s illegal, it doesn’t get children to do the right thing. Beatings teaches children what not to do, not what to do.
• The mood in the family worsens. In the long run, the relationship between parents and children is destroyed.
• The child’s basic trust is destroyed and the child becomes insecure beyond childhood. It also loses trust in other adults and flees from stable attachments and relationships.
• Violence damages children’s emotional and social development. Possible consequences: behavioral problems, apathy, anxiety, withdrawal, falling silent, nervousness, lack of concentration, drop in performance, aggressiveness, sleep disorders, nightmares, feelings of isolation.
• Of course, violence also affects the health of the child. Possible consequences are: brain damage, bruising, abrasions, burns, broken bones, etc.
• With recurring violence, the children completely lose trust in their parents, the consequences: white lies, truancy, absenteeism, running away.

All parents must be clear: Violence has no place in education. We may feel better for a short time because we’ve been able to vent our pent-up anger . However, violence is of no use as an educational measure, it only damages the development of your child.

Dangerous situations can be avoided in advance. Understanding the needs and wishes of all family members and good family communication are important for a non-violent relationship . In addition, rules and rituals give us support and orientation in everyday life. In this way the children know where they stand, what is expected of them, what they are allowed to do and what they are not allowed to do.