Education in puberty: tips for parents
Is education still possible during puberty? Even though it often seems different, parents have a great influence on their children during puberty. Learn more about classic conflicts and how to master parenting during your child’s puberty.
Parents should be role models for their children
Your daughter is in the middle of puberty. You ask them to do the dishes. She complains that there would be time for this later. Annoyed, you explain that you want it done immediately. “Why? Dad and you left everything the other day and didn’t rinse until the next morning.”
Whether it’s about washing dishes, manners or values – much in education works through role models. This does not stop inpuberty, although sometimes it seems different. Your children are good observers and reflect in their own behavior what they notice at home.
- Be authentic and confidentin what you want to convey. Don’t let well-intentioned advice influence you in your upbringing if you don’t stand behind it. This is how you remain credible for your child.
- Reflect on your behavior. A critical look at one’s own behaviors helps to change some unloved characteristics. Your child notices the difference and will gradually adjust to it.
- Stay calm. Teens don’t expect perfect parents. It brings them more if they learn in puberty from adults who can confidently deal with their strengths and weaknesses. And let’s be honest: Your daughter may have inherited your aversion to washing dishes, but also your quick-wittedness and you can be proud of that, right?
Keeping in touch with the child
Your son wants to go to his room and play computer. You don’t like that he spends so much time in front of his PC. “Do you always have to sit in front of one of your shooting games? They just make you aggressive!” you say, earning only an annoyed look.
In puberty, hormones just go crazy. Much of what moves adolescents in puberty therefore meets with little understanding from their parents. From your perspective, you’re just worried that, for example, schoolwork will be neglected. From his perspective, you don’t give him a breather and generalize things you have no idea about.
Education in puberty should not be limited to exhortations and moral sermons. Find out what your child is currently passionate about. Honest interest builds trust and helps you understand their view of the situation.
- Find a good time. In a relaxed atmosphere, conversations are easier. You can’t force them, but you can always offer opportunities, such as at dinner, during a car ride, or before going to bed.
- Listen to your child. It is not so easy to listen to some stories and not to throw in an instructive commentary. But young people shut down when they realize that their narrative is being used against them. Try to listen openly and impartially.
- Tell us about your puberty. As different as you may be in terms of fashion or music taste, some of your child’s problems certainly sound familiar to you. Tell him how you felt during puberty, how your parents’ upbringing went, and what you felt was good and completely wrong at the time.
The balance between open spaces and boundaries
You believe that your daughter smokes despite the ban. You secretly search her handbag and find what you are looking for. When you angrily confront her with the pack of cigarettes, she freaks out and screams, “Why are you searching my things?”
It is no secret that adolescents in puberty question the upbringing of parents, shaking up rules and prohibitions in the process. On the one hand, children now need freedom to grow up. On the other hand, they must encounter borders that protect them and give them stability.
- Make clear agreements that all parties can “live” with. Talk about the consequences of a rule violation, which you should also consistently make true. Otherwise, the rules will soon lose their validity.
- Learn to let go. Not every 15-year-old needs to be treated absolutely equally. Consider your child’s age and sense of responsibility when giving him freedom. It also takes a good portion of trust. Admittedly, a breach of trust should have consequences. But also give your child the chance to prove themselves again.
- Respect your child’s privacy. Searching mobile phones, emails or the room is a major breach of trust. Even if you don’t like that your child has secrets from you, such an invasion of privacy is not okay.
Quarrels are not absent in the education in puberty
Quarrels are not absent in the education in puberty and some conflicts seem to arise again and again. Young people seek friction during puberty, want to distance themselves and at the same time feel care. Even if it’s annoying, you shouldn’t avoid conflicts. Show your child that his safety and well-being are important to you and that you accept arguments for it.
- Breath. It’s understandable that you want to get rid of your anger right away. But in the heat of the moment, you easily get lost in patterns of conflict – for example, blanket reproaches or insistence on old missteps – that lead to no result. Give yourself and your child time to breathe deeply and resolve the conflict later in peace.
- Look for solutions. Try to make the problem very concrete and find solutions. So you will quickly notice whether a dispute is simply out of a bad mood or by a misunderstanding.
- Don’t put up with everything. Parents need a thick skin, but they do not have to put up with insults, destructiverage or physical violence by their pubescent children. Make the boundaries clear to your child and explain how hurtful such behavior is. Try to find out the causes of the aggressive behavior. Parent counselling centres can also help in difficult situations. Don’t be afraid to get outside help if you don’t know what to do.
Unfortunately, there are no panaceas for education during puberty. In many situations, you can rely on your gut feeling. You know your child and will quickly find out where it can cope on its own two feet and where it still needs support.