High sensitivity: Is your child highly sensitive?
Being highly sensitive is neither a disorder nor a disease. This makes it all the more difficult to define the term “highly sensitive” correctly. Petra Neumann, author of the book “Henry with the Superpowers”, explains in an interview what highly sensitive actually means, how you can tell if your child is highly sensitive and how you can support them.
MomaSquad: What does “highly sensitive” mean?
Petra Neumann: Being highly sensitive is neither a “trend” nor a “disease” and therefore not a “trend disease”. High sensitivity is a condition that affects an estimated 15 to 20 percent of people.
It is independent of gender and origin and is expressed in a wide variety of intensities and areas. While some Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP) experience their stimulus threshold as rather low on an acoustic level, the trait can be more pronounced emotionally, sensory, organically, psychologically in others.
High sensitivity can be roughly described as people processing and filtering out more stimuli than normally sensitive people.
Why is someone highly sensitive?
It is assumed that this neural predisposition is inherited. The thesis that high sensitivity can be acquired through trauma and/or a difficult childhood can also be found.
Ultimately, I think such difficult circumstances can increase sensitivity in that people in dangerous or threatening situations learn to recognize dangers quickly and the feelers become finer.
But it is absolutely not the case that every highly sensitive person has experienced trauma or difficult life situations.
What are the consequences of the high sensitivity for the affected person and his environment?
Viewed positively, the consequence for the person affected is that he recognizes life with all its facets, enjoys details, depth and intensity and can bring his personality to bear for himself and his environment in a profitable way. Empathy, creativity and the ability to assess what is good for the other person are characteristics of many HSPs.
Viewed negatively, it could happen that a highly sensitive child is put in the category “scared baby, crybaby, rabbit foot”. Children who are highly sensitive have more to deal with and often reach the point of exhaustion more quickly – be it physically or mentally.
For example, while the math work is already stressful for a normally sensitive child, for the highly sensitive child it is also the case that they also take in the mood of the teacher and the person sitting next to them, while they have to get their own nervousness under control.
As different as the children are, the way they are overwhelmed is also different: some become quiet and inattentive, others overreact.
How do I know if my child is highly sensitive?
The first signs can already appear during pregnancy. For example, when the child is jumpy in the womb, becomes restless when the mother is stressed.
Once the child is born, the great need for closeness to familiar people, but in return strong strangers (even from the grandmother or aunt) could point in the direction of high sensitivity.
Parents of highly sensitive children often say that their offspring are very particular when it comes to clothing. So almost every label itches and scratches. Hunger is also extremely difficult to endure, people don’t like to try the unknown and taste the smallest differences immediately. The same applies to heat, cold, brightness, wind, volume.
An important indication of high sensitivity are also age-untypical deep, complex thought constructs. Topics such as death, religion, justice and the like appear quite early and are thought through in detail at length.
How can I support my child if they are highly sensitive?
The greatest support you can offer your child is to make them feel right from the start that the way they are is right. Especially with children, who sense early on that they are “different”, it is incredibly important to positively document this “being different”. This does not mean that the child should be taught to be arrogant about this “superfeeling”. Being highly sensitive means neither more nor less value.
In no way am I advocating “throwing it in at the deep end”; but also not for “packing in cotton wool”. For example, you shouldn’t force your highly sensitive son to go to football practice, but you shouldn’t exclude him from physical education classes either.
I would also like to advise you to take the child’s feelings and thoughts seriously and to respond to them. “You don’t need to think about that at your age” doesn’t stop anyone from doing it anyway. It is much more helpful to think through these thoughts together and, if necessary, to defuse them.
Are there institutions or special doctors who can advise me if my child is highly sensitive?
High sensitivity is not a disease. Thus, there is neither diagnosis nor therapy. Nevertheless, there are definitely good “tools” and ideas to strengthen the little heroes.
The exchange between parents is worth its weight in gold. Discussion groups (e.g. the association for highly sensitive children in Berlin), forums, groups and social networks are ideal for this. In the meantime, many coaches and consultants have also been found, whose contact addresses are also listed at the Information and Research Association High Sensitivity eV (IFHS).
But I would like to emphasize once again: A child that is highly sensitive does not need any therapy or separate counseling – as long as it is not suffering. It needs processes, security, understanding and love, just like any other child, but the balance is not quite as easy to find here. But this can be done very well with empathetic parents.