If your 3 year old is lying, what to do?

At the age of three, children still cannot distinguish between reality and wishful thinking. Your child may begin their story with a true experience, but then embellish it with exaggerations and wishes, and tell you how they would have liked to experience the event. Or your child is lying because they have long since forgotten that they ate the cookies. Of course, it will therefore answer your question: “Did you eat the cookies?” with “No”, although this is not the truth.

Wishful thinking and reality are the same

At this age, children do not lie intentionally. For example, they wish they hadn’t broken their little sister’s toy, so they’re convinced they really didn’t. Your child is still at the “magic age”, as psychologists call it, when imagination and reality get mixed up. This inventiveness is a sign of lively creativity.

How should you react when your three-year-old is lying?

• Stay calm: Instead of getting upset, you should simply enjoy your child’s imaginative excuses. Or leave the room briefly until you get a grip on yourself again.
• Do not insult or punish your child: Your child is firmly convinced that you are telling the truth and feels that your behavior is unfair. Therefore, you are not helping your child if you scold or punish. Punishments usually have the disadvantage that your child believes that they can escape punishment with even “better” lies. Your child just can’t tell the difference between wishful thinking and reality, and they shouldn’t be judged for that.
• Explain to your child that honesty is important: Children must be raised to be honest. Explain to him matter-of-factly that telling the truth is very important and why. It can be helpful to read fairy tales like “Peter and the Wolf” to your child and to talk about them.
• Build trust: Show your child that they can also tell you about their mistakes and mishaps. Don’t punish them for being outspoken. This way you avoid that your child gets afraid to tell you the truth.
• Praise your child: When your child admits to a mishap, you should praise them for it. This is how you encourage honesty.
• Teach your child responsibility: Punishments are impractical, but taking consequences for their behavior is good. Think with your child about how they can make amends for the damage that has been done.
• Tell your child what you expect: Use different situations to explain to your child how to behave. For example, if they want a snack, tell them they have to ask first. In this way, your child learns to know boundaries and to follow rules.
• Don’t overwhelm your child: As much as children need boundaries and rules in everyday life, don’t overdo it. Otherwise, your child can easily feel overwhelmed and this may encourage them to lie
• Show your child that you love them: Your child has broken something and in order not to lose your affection, it is lying. Show him that you love him no matter what, and next time he can feel safe telling you the truth.
• Be a role model: Children learn from their parents. If you or your partner set an example of owning up to mistakes and accepting the consequences, your child can learn this from you. If, on the other hand, you quickly resort to little white lies, allow yourself to be denied over the phone, or blame others for mistakes, then your child will surely copy it from you and imitate it.