Tips when grandparents get involved
Parents are usually happy to have family support, be it in the form of money or childcare. But when the grandparents get involved, especially in raising children, the fun often stops. Find out here what you can do if the grandparents interfere too much.
Parents’ advice is usually well-intentioned. But when the grandparents get involved and your own mother is constantly explaining how to deal with your baby, stress, insecurity and anger are often inevitable.
What to do when grandparents interfere
It’s usually unfortunate phrases that are taken as patronizing, such as, “You shouldn’t take your child out too often.” Other grandparents feel that a naughty child should be slapped, or that a child should be left for a long time should be allowed to scream so that it is “not spoiled too much”. The following tips can certainly help you if your parents or parents-in-law interfere:
- Do not start a conversation about parenting issues with reproaches, because then the fronts harden and there is usually no learning.
- If grandparents interfere unintentionally, it makes sense to point this out to them and also to pay attention to their own language. Try to use less you-messages and more I-phrasing. Also, avoid words like “again” or “always.” Explain that it’s more helpful if Grandma says, for example, “When you were little, looking over the leaves on a tree was always very comforting to you.”
- Patiently explain to the grandparents why you and your partner reward or punish your children differently than they would. Maybe grandma and grandpa have never really thought about it before and let themselves be convinced.
Grandparents: Interference only in moderation
The grandparents’ interference couldn’t be improved by a conversation? Even if your arguments on questions of upbringing weren’t convincing, the parents or parents-in-law must ultimately see that you and your partner determine the basic rules of raising children. Stick to it consistently. If necessary, you have to do without help with childcare for a while.
However, you should not dictate to the grandparents how to deal with their grandchildren down to the smallest detail. Grandma and grandpa should be given a certain amount of leeway when the grandchild comes to visit. A bit of pampering is part of it when the kids are with their grandparents, isn’t it?