When children whine: This is the best way to react
You’re in the supermarket and your child is whining and whining, “I want that!” His voice is grating on your nerves and you’re about to scream? You turn off the television and your child immediately protests with whining and whining? Here you can find out what is going on in your child and how you can react appropriately.
It is not easy for you to correctly interpret your child’s whining. Is your child overtired? Does it get sick? Is it moody or bored? Does it try to pressure you to get something? Does it need your closeness and care? The pitch of his voice may make you feel aggressive. You explain to your child not to whine, but they don’t understand what you mean by that. Your child has learned to change their tone of voice to get your attention, so why change when they’re succeeding with this method?
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ToggleWhy children whine
When your child whines, they are trying to tell you something. Your child has a need that is not being met and this is causing discomfort and stress. This in turn causes an uncomfortable body feeling, and your child expresses this in the form of whining. It’s a natural expression to let you know your child isn’t feeling well. It cannot simply postpone its needs. If your child is very young, there may be no other way for them to let you know they are hungry, thirsty, or just overtired. It’s trying to tell you something about its whining. Your child’s whining triggers a caring reflex in you. When your child is older, they may want to get their way in this way. Then his whining is often just the precursor to a tantrum.
Prevent whining and crying
- Announce everything beforehand! Children often get cranky when something happens that they didn’t expect. You suddenly ask your child to get dressed. But your child didn’t even know that it was going to grandma. Or you explain to your child that it is going to bed now because it is so late, but otherwise your child can still read a book with you. Children don’t respond well to surprises and are quick to get cranky and cry. It is therefore always good to announce the next steps to your child: “First we eat now, then we read a book, then we brush our teeth and go to bed”. Or you explain directly why something is different today than usual and ideally repeat it several times. Your child will then know for sure what is happening and can adapt to it.
- Avoid triggers: Don’t take your child to the grocery store when they’re hungry. Watch your child. When does it start whining? Find the triggers and try to avoid them.
What to do when children are whining?
- Don’t lose your temper: your child wants to tell you something. His tone of voice grates on your nerves, but try to stay calm anyway. Breathing deeply helps and calms you down.
- Allow your child to express their bad feelings: Your child should be able to tell you when they are not feeling well. Show understanding for their frustration or boredom.
- Find the reasons your child is whining: Talk to your child. Maybe it’s still thirsty? Or it is overtired and wants you to put it to bed. Trying to figure out what your child wants, maybe his pacifier?
- Help your child explain themselves: If your child is fussy but isn’t expressing themselves well enough to explain their behavior, help them put their feelings into words, such as by saying, “I see that you are angry Is it because you can’t eat chocolate now?” Show your child that they can talk about their feelings.
- Avoid bribery: Be careful with rewards for your child to stop them whining. It’s just a second-rate substitute for what your child really wants. Its effects usually don’t last long.
- Don’t threaten or punish your child: A threat usually only makes things worse. Your child feels misunderstood and may get scared. It learns that it cannot trust you.
- Distract your child: Even if it is only a substitute satisfaction and will only work for a short time, it gives you a little breathing space. If your child is bored or wants you close, they will appreciate the distraction and stop whining. A common ritual has proven to be very practical in this context. The book “Die Motzkuh”, for example, is highly recommended. It explains a distraction ritual that is great to use and will almost always make a child laugh and distract them from what they really want. This also means that you try to ignore the whining.
- Explain to your child exactly what you mean: Your child does not yet understand how annoying his whiny voice is for those around him. Show your child in a playful way, for example with a doll, what a whiny voice sounds like.
- Practice speaking in normal tones. . Your child has learned to change his pitch. But that doesn’t mean it understands what it’s doing. Teach your child how to speak “normally”. Practice this with your child. Tell him exactly what you mean.
- Be consistent: whining is a great way to get your way. But if it is not a wish that you can or want to fulfill, you have to be consistent. This is the only way your child will learn that it cannot get its way with whining.