Adolescence – 8 valuable tips for parents
Adolescence is the phase in which children become adults – and sometimes get on their parents’ nerves. Because adolescence can be exhausting not only for young people but also for parents, we have put together eight tips for everyday life with pubescent children.
1) Adolescence: Parents need thick skins
Don’t take verbal abuse during puberty personally. In adolescence, young people sometimes overshoot the mark. Then things are said that they later regret. Because it is clear that children do not really want to hurt their parents.
That doesn’t mean that you simply have to put up with insults or fisticuffs during puberty. It’s not easy, but avoiding the conflict hurt doesn’t help you or your child. In the case of aggressive behavior , it is important that you intervene, make clear boundaries and question the causes.
2) Set parenting priorities during puberty
Room chaos, school grades, protected sex . Certainly there are many things that annoy or frighten you in everyday life with a teenager. But is every fight really worth it? Think about what you can accept – grudgingly – and for which points you want to stand up for yourself again and again.
3) Adolescence means taking responsibility
Adolescence not only means more freedom, but also more responsibility. Young people can only learn the latter if parents give them the opportunity to do so. In concrete terms, this means that you can offer your child support, but you cannot take away all of their problems. Trust him with tasks, motivate him to find his own solutions and give big praise for successes.
4) New independence for all
The new independence of their children leaves many parents with a queasy feeling. Young people no longer tell everything at home, they lock their rooms and prefer to spend their free time with friends. You have to endure that. Detachment from the parental home is simply part of adolescence and makes your child an independent adult. Of course not overnight. Little by little, it deserves a little more freedom and a little more trust. The nice thing about it is that you can now find more time for your own needs, hobbies and togetherness with your partner.
5) Adolescence from a different angle
You can only shake your head at the behavior of your teenager? A different perspective will help you gain more understanding. From a biological point of view, adolescence begins with a lot of “reconstruction work”. Hormones get mixed up and affect mood. Before puberty, the brain experiences an enormous growth spurt, only to subsequently destroy countless nerve cells and nerve tracts. Scientists suspect that this is how it gets rid of unnecessary and rarely used information. So it’s no wonder that your child is a little off track.
In addition, it has to mentally and emotionally process all the changes and many new questions. It’s not only exciting, it’s also a little scary. Think back to your own puberty, what moved and unsettled you and how your parents fought during this time. Maybe then you can even empathize with the last outburst of anger.
6) Adolescence affects all parents
You’re not alone. All parents collect their experiences with pubescent children and in a parents’ group it quickly becomes clear: a lot is different, but a lot is also similar. It’s good to let off steam and get tips on how other families deal with controversial issues. But beware of the know-it-alls. You know your child best and not all well-intentioned “patent remedies” suit you and your family.
7) Be yourself
Don’t try to bend yourself, for example to make yourself more youthful in order to get closer to your child or to avoid conflicts. It may not always look like this, but for young people their own parents are the most important role models. Being self-confident and authentic in life is something young people admire in adults – especially when their own identity is still being formed during adolescence.
8) Adolescence passes
In bad moments, one thought is always comforting: Adolescence is a phase and will pass. Quarrels, tears and rejection pass. Sleepless nights because the teenager is partying will pass. And even the damaged relationship that bothers parents so much is usually patched up a few years later and both sides can only laugh about the stress of that time.