Aggressive behavior in children: what you can do

It is quite normal for children to compete against each other in fights. It’s important because it builds their self-confidence by learning to fight back. Not only the verbal, but also the physical confrontation with other children is important for this. However, if such skirmishes get the upper hand and other children are afraid of your child because they are increasingly trying to assert themselves with physical violence, you should intervene in any case and not stand by and watch your child tyrannize their peers.

Why is your child showing aggressive behavior?

There are various assumptions as to why a child behaves aggressively. However, it is often the case that children imitate aggressive behavior. Especially in the first years of life, children orientate themselves towards their caregivers. These are primarily the parents, but also siblings and playmates. If a child experiences violence from those around him from an early age, he will imitate this behavior. Content that glorifies violence can also encourage violence in children. A lot of television can also lead to an overload of the sensory organs and a restriction of motor skills, which in turn can lead to aggressive behavior. Whether your child behaves aggressively depends above all on how you raise your child and how you react to aggressive behavior.

• In the second year of life , your child imitates aggressive behavior from people around him, from parents, siblings and playmates. Reasons for aggressive behavior at this age are to be found in the child’s environment.
• By the age of three , your child is already better able to make themselves understood and make contact with others. It absorbs all new information like a sponge, but cannot process it all yet. In the third year of life, your child discovers its first secrets in dealing with other people. Testing his physical strength also plays a role now.
• By the age of four , your child is already speaking quite well. At the end of the fourth year of life, it has a vocabulary of around 1500 to 2000 words and can express its interests and wishes correctly and well through language. It has also already discovered the secrets of dealing with other people. Using swear words and using physical violence against other people wants to test it at this age.
• In the fifth year of life , your child’s urge to move experiences a tremendous boost, so that it becomes noticeable through particular fidgeting and scuffles. It always wants to experience something. Its thirst for action can hardly be tamed and it would like to expand its range of motion. It can sometimes happen that your child’s urges sometimes get in the way of other children when they want to get their way.
• In the sixth year of life , the phase of unfounded resistance slowly comes to an end. Your child has become more understandable and forgiving. Nevertheless, your child’s urge to move gets a huge boost. He always wants to experience something and can sometimes get into conflict with other children.
• By the age of seven and eight , your child has around 24,000 passive words and 5,000 active words. It finally perceives itself as an independent person and is aware of its own existence. It begins to think logically and to recognize connections. The phase of unfounded resistance is also slowly coming to an end. Your child has become more understandable and forgiving. Nevertheless, your child’s urge to move experiences a huge boost, so that it becomes noticeable through particular fidgeting and scuffles. It always wants to experience something. Conflicts with other children are normal and the order of the day.

Does your child behave aggressively because they are overwhelmed?

• If your child is overwhelmed with a situation, it doesn’t know what to do other than push, hit and kick. If your child is overwhelmed with school, there was a case of illness in the family or the parents got divorced, then it is not uncommon for your child to react aggressively.
• It is also often the case that children imitate aggressive behavior. Especially in the first years of life, children orientate themselves towards their caregivers. These are primarily the parents, but also siblings and playmates. If a child experiences violence from those around him from an early age, he will imitate this behavior.
• Content that glorifies violence can also encourage violence in children. A lot of television can also lead to an overload of the sensory organs and a restriction of motor skills, which in turn can lead to aggressive behavior. Whether your child behaves aggressively depends above all on how you raise your child and how you react to aggressive behavior.

What can you do if your child is aggressive?

• React quickly: Don’t wait until your child hits another child for the third time. Let your child know right away if they did something wrong. Talk to him about it calmly, because he needs to understand that the little break is related to his behavior. It then learns that if it behaves aggressively towards others, it must stop playing.
• Take your child aside: Sometimes taking a break can help your child calm down. Explain to him that he needs to sit quietly in a chair for a minute before he can play with the other children again. A minute is often very long for a two-year-old child. The idea behind a time-out is that your child associates their behavior with the consequences. He learns that if he hits or bites other children, he shouldn’t play along.
• Talk to your child about it: preferably 30 to 60 minutes later when it has calmed down. Ask why your child was so upset. Explain to him that while it’s okay to be angry, it’s wrong to push, kick, and hit about it.
• Ask and explain: Ask your child why they got angry, and then explain that reacting in this way is wrong. It is important that you and your child recognize the causes of the aggression so that the situation does not repeat itself.
• Remain calm and matter-of-fact: Even if you are very upset about your child’s behavior, try to calmly explain to your child what they did wrong. Under no circumstances should you yell at it, insult it or even hit it. Show your child that you are capable of controlling your emotions and anger yourself.
• Using Consequences: Make sure your child understands that they need to apologize for their behavior. Even if it might be difficult for him. Your child should not see this as a punishment, but as a logical consequence of his behavior. For example, if your child has destroyed another child’s toy, they should be told and told that such behavior will not be tolerated.
• Be consistent: If possible, try to enforce the same consequences every time. If your child misbehaves in public and you may feel uncomfortable scolding your child in front of other people, you should still respond as usual. This is the only way your child can learn the consequences of their behavior each time. Don’t make exceptions.
• Teach them responsibility: Make sure your child understands that they need to apologize for their behavior. Even if it might be difficult for him. If your child broke another child’s toy, they can make it up to you by repairing the broken toy with your help. Your child should not see this as a punishment, but as a logical consequence of his behavior.
• Praise your child: Give your child affection and tell them how much you love them and how important they are to you. Recognize your child’s strengths and give specific praise when they are very good and social.
• Pay attention to the TV program: if your child wants to watch a series or a film, watch it with them. Pay attention to the values ​​that the program teaches your child directly and indirectly. Don’t let your child watch movies that show a lot of violence.
• Let your child romp: Your child should not spend too much time in front of the television. Playing games with lots of movement and being out in the fresh air gives your child the opportunity to let go of their aggression and energy.
• Show alternatives: Show your child that saying “No” or “Don’t do it” is often a better way to defend yourself.
  Make sure your child understands that they need to apologize for their behavior. Even if it might be difficult for him.