Grief after a miscarriage: what can help you

You have found out that you are pregnant and have prepared yourself for a future with the little creature in your belly. You were looking forward to your child and imagined how it will be. Maybe you have already chosen a name and bought your first things like clothes or furniture. And then suddenly it’s all over because little life couldn’t last.

Allowing grief after a miscarriage

When a miscarriage is diagnosed, a world collapses for expectant parents. If the desire to have children was also very strong and the road to pregnancy was possibly long, this stroke of fate weighs particularly heavily. Deep sadness, helplessness, fear and anger determine your emotional world. This is normal and totally understandable. Allow these feelings and don’t try to suppress them. If you must cry, then cry. If you want to scream, then scream. This is the only way you can free yourself and cope with your grief in the long term. In general, this is a very individual process. While some women can come to terms with the loss of their child after a few weeks, others may need several months. Definitely take the time you need. With regard to a new pregnancy, it is also important that you process your miscarriage as well as possible. Because such a great emotional burden can also mean a risk factor for another miscarriage. In our article “Prevent miscarriage ” you will find more information about this.

let grief speak

Talking about your grief is an important step in processing. It’s not for nothing that it’s called “get something off your chest”. Above all, share your feelings with your partner, who certainly feels the same grief as you do and also needs support in coming to terms with the miscarriage. But family and friends can also be good listeners and give you the feeling that you are not alone in your pain.

exchange with other stakeholders

Maybe other women around you have suffered the same fate. The exchange with other affected people helps almost every woman to process her miscarriage. Because only someone who has lost a child through a miscarriage can really understand what you are going through and maybe help you to gain new courage for the future. If you have no opportunity for personal exchange in your immediate environment, you can also consider visiting a self-help group. And the Internet now also offers numerous platforms, such as “Schmetterlingskinder.de” or “www.fehlgeburt.info”, on which you can share your pain with other affected parents. This form has already helped many mothers and their partners to cope with the grief after a miscarriage.

grief without guilt

Many women experience guilt after a miscarriage. This is nothing unusual, but in most cases it is completely unfounded. Many pregnancies end in miscarriage, often before they even realize it. The causes are varied and usually cannot be clearly clarified. See our article “ Miscarriage: When Pregnancy Ends Early ” for more detailed information on the risks of miscarriage and its causes.

Professional help in grieving after a miscarriage

However, if the pain and guilt is getting to you to the point of depressing you, you should definitely seek professional help, such as a psychologist. Signs of depression can be persistent insomnia or loss of appetite and drive. If you can’t feel any joy for a long time after the miscarriage, this can also indicate depression.

Midwives can also offer you good mental support and grief counseling after a miscarriage. You are even entitled to so-called midwifery assistance, the costs for which are borne by your health insurance company. You can find out more about the help of a midwife in our article ” Resection after a miscarriage? ” Experienced.

More ways to deal with grief

Basically, you need to find the best way for you to deal with your grief after a miscarriage. Maybe you don’t want to talk about your feelings, but rather write them down in a journal or in the form of poems. Or you create a place in your home where you keep memories of your unborn child, such as ultrasound photos or the maternity record. Some mothers also find it helpful to speak or sing to their lost child.

No matter what your path looks like: it is important that you walk it. Coping with your grief doesn’t mean that you should forget your unborn child. Because you certainly won’t. It may also be that every year on the day of the miscarriage or the predicted due date, deep sadness comes over you. However, once you have accepted that your child could not live, the pain becomes more bearable and you can start again. In most cases, nothing stands in the way of a new pregnancy after a miscarriage .