How teenagers discover sex and tenderness
The first love, the first kiss, the first time sex – adolescents experience an exciting time during puberty and at the same time have many questions. Here you can find out how young people deal with the topic of sex, what unsettles them and how you can support them during this time.
When teenagers have sex and present their first boyfriend or girlfriend at home, many parents start to ponder. What happens when they are alone? Isn’t my child too young for this? Does he know enough about birth control, diseases and sex not to do “silly” things? It is understandable that parents worry about children going through puberty . But enlightened young people deal with their sexuality more responsibly than is often assumed.
This is shown by a representative survey on youth sexuality by the Federal Center for Health Education (BZgA) from 2010. Contraception, even for the first time , is an important issue for the majority of the young people between the ages of 14 and 17 surveyed. Only eight percent stated that they had not used a contraceptive the first time they had sex. In general, the study confirms that the young people have a good knowledge of sex, but there are still knowledge gaps in the details. The young people wanted more information, especially about contraception and sexually transmitted diseases.
For parents, the sexual education of their children should therefore already be pending before puberty. Because talking about sex is sometimes difficult, you will find many helpful tips on this topic in our special on sex education .
Kissing, petting, sex: young people have many questions
Even if young people today are better informed than ever before, sex with all its facets raises many questions and fears, which vary greatly depending on gender.
Many girls in puberty worry about whether the first sex could hurt, whether they have the right partner and how it will be a nice experience. Masturbation is much less of an issue for adolescent girls than for boys. They know comparatively little about what makes them happy and what doesn’t. Only with a partner do most people go on a journey of discovery with their own bodies.
Boys going through puberty are more concerned that they might not have sex the first time, that the penis will not become stiff or that the climax will come too early. Also when they should have “checked off” which sexual experiences can – in view of boasting in the clique – be unsettling.
During puberty, parents are no longer the first point of contact for “embarrassing” questions about sex. Young people prefer to discuss worries among themselves or use offers from the Internet to find out anonymously. So that they use reliable sources, you can have books, brochures and Internet addresses ready. Your kids will surely take a look with gratitude.
Clarity about sexual orientation
As adolescents become more interested in love and sex, they become more aware of what – and who – pleases them. Sexual orientation, regardless of whether it is heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, is shaped by many different factors and has nothing to do with “wrong” upbringing or “wrong” seduction.
In fact, many adolescents are attracted to the same sex during their sexual development. For some it remains an experiment, for others it becomes a certainty that they are gay or lesbian or bi. Own prejudices and doubts have to be processed as part of the coming out . Unfortunately, young people often do this alone. The fear that friends and family will react without understanding and turn away is too great. The step of telling friends and parents about the – often long-cherished – secret is correspondingly important.
For parents, the coming out of their child, especially when it comes out of the blue, is not always easy to digest. As tolerant as they may have judged themselves, the first reactions are often shock, anger or disappointment. Desires and hopes for the child seem to recede into the distance, instead prejudices and worries come to the fore. Feelings cannot be turned off easily, but parents can work to gain more understanding, knowledge and tolerance for their child and their sexual orientation.
Support and information for parents and young people is provided by pro familia or the Federal Association of Parents, Friends and Relatives of Homosexuals (befah) , among others .