My child is lying: 10 helpful parenting tips

1. You are a role model

First of all, it is of course important that you set a good example for your child. Honest parents who don’t fawn over themselves are the best prerequisite for honest children. However, if you do resort to a white lie – out of politeness – you should explain the reason to your child: that lying is exceptionally permitted if it protects the feelings of others.

2. Don’t lie to your child

Of course, you should never knowingly lie to your child. If you don’t want to answer an embarrassing question, you can simply tell him that. If you want to protect your child from a painful truth, do so with openness.

3. Make the consequences clear

Explain to your child how important it is to tell the truth and take responsibility for one’s actions and what effects frequent lying can have: that nobody will believe you anymore and that you don’t want to have anything to do with dishonest people yourself. Here is the story of the boy who always lied and then no one believed when he then shouted “fire” because it was really on fire.

4. Create trust

An open and trusting togetherness in the family is the best prerequisite for raising a child to be honest. When children feel loved and understood, no matter what they’ve just done, they are more willing to be honest and take responsibility for their shortcomings.

5. Praise honesty

The more children get recognition for their own honesty and openness, the more likely they are to stop lying. Praise your child when they tell the truth in a difficult situation – whether it comes home with a bad grade or they’ve done some serious mischief. While it doesn’t deserve any praise for the act itself, it’s very brave that it immediately tells you the truth. Then sit down at a table and talk about how best to deal with the problem.

6. Learn how to deal with mistakes

Always encourage your child to tell the truth and to own their mistakes and weaknesses. If they made mistakes, don’t scold them straight away, but say something like: “Everyone makes mistakes. Do you have any idea how to fix the mistake?”

7. Find alternatives together

If you catch your child lying, ask them why they lied. Show understanding for their situation and consider together how they can behave in such a situation next time without lying.

8. Avoid moralizing and finger pointing

You shouldn’t make your child feel guilty or blame them for their wrongdoing. Just state objectively: “I can’t really believe you. You can tell me what’s really going on.”

9. Punishments are counterproductive when a child lies

Never threaten your child with severe punishment if they lie! Children who are severely punished are quick to think that next time they just have to lie better to avoid being caught. However, if you think punishment is necessary, then consider: Even when lying, the punishment should always have a meaningful connection with the crime.

10. Get professional help

If your child keeps lying despite multiple conversations, then the problem may lie deeper. Try to get to the bottom of the matter and don’t be afraid to seek professional help – for example at a family counseling center.