Open relationship: what does it mean?

That means the open relationship

A relationship is defined as open if it goes beyond the togetherness of monogamy. However, this can take almost endless forms.

For example, polyamory is a form of open relationship in which the partners have several romantic relationships at the same time. This can be a love triangle, for example, or a relationship in which each partner has other partners individually. Sometimes there is a primary or anchor relationship that takes precedence over the others. But sometimes all relationships are equal.

Another form of open relationship is one in which the partners in a two-person relationship also have other sexual partners according to agreed rules. The difference to polyamory often lies in the emotional bond: the other partners are not other love partners, the erotic aspect is in the foreground. 

No matter what form the open relationship takes, honesty is paramount. Both partners, or in the case of polyamorous all partners, know that there will be further sexual encounters with other people and have consented to this. An open relationship is therefore fundamentally different from cheating .

When an open relationship makes sense

There are many reasons couples choose to be in an open relationship. However, there is often an underlying belief that a single person cannot meet every need of others. In open relationships one recognizes that the wishes and ideas of individuals can also be fulfilled by several partners. Ideally, this even relieves the original two-person relationship. 

Non-monogamous relationships are also based on the premise that love does not have to be endless and limited to just one person, but can be shared among several. Just as one does not have just one platonic friendship, but several, one can also have several romantic relationships. 

The sexual component is also important. Some people just don’t want to have sex with just one person. Here, the open relationship offers an opportunity to meet this need without cheating and thus hurting the partner.

Find the right relationship for you

An open relationship can only work if all partners agree to it. So you should not try to persuade your partner. Nor should you give in to your partner’s demands if you don’t feel comfortable with the idea of ​​an open relationship. 

Many believe that an open relationship can only work if no one is jealous. In fact, open relationships are not exempt from jealousy. However, honesty, which is valued in open relationships, helps many to deal with jealousy .

An open relationship is also advisable when two partners have very different needs. For example, if a person has a very low libido, or is asexual or possibly has a health condition, you might consider having their partner meet their sexual needs with other people. This may feel quirky at first, but sometimes it takes the pressure off the main relationship so that it ends up being happier.

As a rule, it is not recommended to turn your monogamous relationship into an open relationship only after cheating. This is often a last resort attempt. In fact, the trust has already been broken. Instead, try to rebuild it first and then switch from a strengthened position to the open relationship.

This is how the open relationship works

Open relationships require a lot of communication. You and your partner should be able to talk openly about your feelings, fears, and desires. Sometimes, especially in the early days, a visit to a couples therapist can be beneficial. However, you should approach this with someone who has experience with non-monogamous relationships.

It is also important that you can set the rules yourself. Consider all eventualities: Are multiple encounters allowed? Are you allowed to have emotional relationships? Do you tell each other about the other partners or is this kept secret? From this you can develop your basic rules.

In open relationships, a lot of value should also be placed on contraception . With multiple, often new, partners involved, it would be devastating to catch an STD and then in turn transmit it to other partners.

In non-monogamous relationships, contraception with barrier methods usually applies first. This means that  condoms are not only used during sexual intercourse , but that you also protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases during oral sex by using dams or condoms. You should also have yourself tested for these diseases several times a year. In non-monogamous circles, new partners are often asked about the results of these tests.

In fact, many new problems arise in the open relationship. At the same time, this form of relationship can also bring a lot of joy and fulfillment. It is worth a try!