Should your husband be present at the birth?

Up until a good thirty years ago, it was almost impossible for men to be present at the birth. The father only came into play after the birth. A lot has changed since then and for many couples today it is quite normal for their partner to be present at the birth . This also increases the pressure on fathers to come into the delivery room. But does the partner really have to be there all the time? There are many good reasons for and against it.

What are the arguments for having the man present at the birth?

There are many reasons for the husband or partner to attend the birth:

• Both partners experience becoming parents together. The moment of birth is overwhelming for many and the shared experience has a strengthening and connecting effect.
• The presence of the partner can have a very calming effect on the mother-to-be and reduce her anxiety, especially when complications arise.
• The partner can give the mother-to-be physical support, for example by massaging painful areas or by supporting her when walking around.
• The father can mediate between the mother and hospital staff and even prevent the early initiation of a cesarean section.

What speaks against taking your husband or partner with you?

The following reasons can speak against the presence of the husband or partner at birth:

• Some fathers aren’t really a support to their wives. Fathers in particular who want to document the birth in every detail with a camera or who constantly cheer on the mother are not helpful.
• Men with weak nerves might be better off waiting outside. If the woman has to worry about her husband during childbirth, she cannot concentrate on the essentials.
• Some women feel uncomfortable and disturbed by their husband’s presence during childbirth.
• Many couples fear that their erotic relationship could suffer if they experience childbirth together.

Alternatives to classic “partner support”

• Don’t put pressure on your partner by simply assuming they’re going to be in the delivery room. The partner is only really helpful in the delivery room if he knows exactly what role he is getting himself into and if he is not being pressured into it. It makes sense to discuss what the man really wants to experience and in which situations he can take a break.
• Would the mother-to-be actually prefer to have her best friend or someone else to help with the birth?
• Perhaps you would like to have your partner and a second person with you?
• Perhaps the mother-to-be also wishes to get through the birth on her own.
• Or you agree that your partner can be sent out for a while at any time if it gets too much for you.

Parents-to-be should simply talk openly about their wishes and concerns. Many things can then be clarified quickly. In this way, the mother receives the appropriate support during the birth and the partner has the opportunity to bring in their own ideas.