When your child is clinging

You and your partner are the first and most important caregivers for your child. It’s safe and secure with you. Your baby feels loved and safe when you give it physical contact and warmth, when it hears your voice and experiences affection. The bond between you strengthens the child by imitating you, learning your language and adopting your “culture”. When it gets older, it wants to discover the world. But not everything is exciting. Some things scare your child. Then it turns to you, for it has learned that it is safe with you.

Why your child is clinging

There are different triggers and reasons why your child may cling. What is important is his temperament and how stable his social environment is. Often your child will cling because they are insecure or afraid of something or someone. With its clinging, it seeks safety and security from its caregiver or someone who seems familiar to it and with whom it feels safe. The triggers of his behavior can be very different:

• The first visit to kindergarten or a move tears your child out of their familiar environment. Sometimes new furniture in the bedroom is enough to change its familiar surroundings. This can scare your child.
• The birth of a sibling disrupts his everyday life. Suddenly there is another being with whom it has to share its parents. This can unsettle your child.
• Your child is naturally shy and reserved and not an explorer. Then it will cling in many situations, even in those that don’t seem threatening.
• Your child has a vivid imagination. If she gets away with it, your child may become frightened and cling to you for no apparent reason. This can happen particularly often at the “magic age”, for example between the ages of two and four.

How to react when your child is clinging

• Take your child seriously: Your child is insecure. Take his behavior seriously. This shows him that he can trust you.
• Don’t reject your child: whether it’s clinging to you for a rational or imaginary reason, your child will look to you for help. It trusts you. You should not betray that trust. This deepens his insecurity.
• Ask about the causes: Depending on the reason your child is clinging, you can help him to overcome his fears. Maybe it’s clinging to you because there are so many strangers around it? Then it will detach itself from you as soon as it knows the others better and accepts their presence. Or has it not been able to see you for a long time? Then it seeks your loving affection and closeness.
• Strengthen their self-confidence: Brave and fearful children need support and encouragement. When you boost your child’s confidence, your child will become more independent and courageous, and perhaps less clingy. You can help your child to develop self-confidence, especially in everyday situations, for example by emphasizing small successes, involving them in decisions or giving them small tasks.
• Help him become independent . Let them do a lot of things themselves and don’t always do everything for your child when it’s not working. Give him tips and help: help him to do it himself.
• Strengthen their self-esteem: Praise your child. Reward them when they do something on their own.
• Don’t mock your child: Taunting hurts your child. This increases his insecurity and destroys his trust in you.
• Accept your child as it is: your child has its own special character. If it’s rather anxious, then so be it. This is neither bad nor tragic. Don’t compare it to other kids who are braver. Don’t force them to be bolder, you’ll actually achieve the opposite.
• Check your behavior: Your child has been seriously ill for a long time and you protected it too much? Was there a problem in your neighborhood or family, for example with violence? These are good reasons to take care of your child. But maybe you exaggerated? Then you should support your child to become independent.
• When to ask a specialist: If your child is extremely clingy and overanxious, you can ask your pediatrician or a counseling center for advice. Perhaps there is a deeper reason for your child’s behavior? It is possible that your child is clinging so extremely because it has a visual impairment, sees poorly and is looking for help from you. Or it suffers from the consequences of a long hospital stay? The experts can help you to find the causes.