Your two-year-old is testing limits, what to do?

Why does your two-year-old want to test their limits?

In the second year of life, your child becomes self-aware and the defiant phase begins. It recognizes that it is a separate person and strives for independence and autonomy. It wants to do things without outside help and gradually begins to detach itself from you and your partner. Even if this phase is often difficult for you, it is an important part of child development and is essential for your child’s later independence. “No, I can do it alone!” Many parents are familiar with this statement. Your child rebels against everyone and everything: their parents, boundaries, the adult world, and their own feelings that they don’t yet understand.

Your two-year-old is testing limits, what can you do?

• React quickly: Observe your child and try to find out when it snaps particularly quickly. With noise, fatigue, hunger, crowds? Try to avoid or prevent these risk factors as much as possible.
• Remain calm and matter-of-fact: Never respond to your child’s tantrums with violence! This harms his self-confidence and his development. Be a good role model for your child and show them that problems can be solved with words.
• Try to show understanding: If it screams or cries, hold it in your arms and explain that you know how it feels. You don’t want your child to see you as part of the problem, but to recognize that you are on their side.
• Respond calmly to your child’s seizures. If you are bubbling, leave your child alone for a moment, slowly count to ten or take several deep breaths. Talk to your partner or a friend about your frustration – that helps.
• You’re the adult: Don’t give in to your child’s screams just because you’re embarrassed about the public outburst. Rage should not be rewarded!
• Let your child decide: your child can use his stubborn head. For example, if they would rather put on rubber boots than sneakers. This way your child feels taken seriously and you reduce the risk of another fit of rage.
• Provide a distraction: If your child is throwing a tantrum, try to distract and keep them busy. This often works quite well with young children, and beyond the distraction they forget the reason for their defiance.
• Show alternatives: Instead of always saying “no”, you can explain to your child what they can do instead. For example, if your child wants chocolate before eating, then explain to them that they can either have a piece of apple or a slice of Kinderwurst.
• No matter how bad it is: Even the worst phase of defiance will eventually pass. You should never take your child’s behavior personally. It doesn’t want to annoy you, it just hasn’t learned to control its anger yet.