Adopted child: mastering challenges in everyday life

Adopting a child is a big decision. Especially in everyday life, many things will be different with an adopted child, maybe also different than expected. Here you can find out how you and your adoptive child can best deal with these challenges.

An adopted child needs a lot of explanations , a lot of attention and affection. The younger the adoptive child is, the easier it is to integrate into the new family. However, it is a long way for everyone involved to find their way into a normal everyday life. The family, which previously consisted of two, three or four people, has suddenly got a new family member who has to be integrated with their very own needs and characteristics. The daily routine of the family is changed and this usually does not happen without friction. Are you ready for this? Find out in the following article which qualities you and your partner should have in order to take in an adoptive child:

patience and devotion

Since the new family member was given away from his own family, dealing with him requires special patience and care. The adopted child needs a certain amount of time to feel at home. It often fails to shower the new parents with gratitude. This disappoints many adoptive parents. This is where you need to be patient as adoptive parents. Many adopted children are clingy, while others are completely distant. Both can usually be explained by the child’s fear of being abandoned again. It is normal for the child to react in an over-adjusted way at first, and after a while conflicts suddenly arise. This is a sign that the adoptive child feels more secure and has confidence in their adoptive parents. As adoptive parents you have to be patient because your child needs it. Once it has gained trust, it will open up to you bit by bit and you will find access to each other.

If there is a biological child

If there is a biological child in the family in addition to the adopted child, this can lead to stressful questions for both children. The adopted child may feel like a second choice child or an outsider in the family. It always wants to be just as “good” as the biological child so that it can secure the same status with the parents. Since the biological child looks similar to the parents, the adopted child realizes every day that it looks different and comes from different parents. In the case of an international adoption, this problem is of course even more serious. This situation regularly reminds him that it was given away by his biological parents, while his adoptive siblings seemed to be valuable enough for the parents to be allowed to stay. But also for the biological child, Incriminating questions can arise: “Didn’t I make my parents take in someone else’s child?” The adoptive parents should be aware of such questions and speak openly with the children about them. Before adopting, you will probably ask yourself whether you can love the child like your own. This question not only concerns you, but many couples before the adoption. You can find more information about this here:

Understand the adoptive child’s culture and background

When a child is adopted from abroad, it is important to learn about their culture in order to better understand the child’s behavior. Not everything should be done differently immediately either, because the child was torn out of the environment that was familiar to him. Basic knowledge of the child’s native language can also be very helpful. The child needs guidance as it is now in a family where completely different customs and norms apply. It is also important to let the child talk about their origins and birth parents. Even if they had bad experiences there, their birth parents or relatives have been their caregivers up until now.

Reactions of the environment to an adopted child

Many fellow human beings react to an adoption with skepticism. Adoptive parents often have to deal with statements such as “Will that work out?”. If there are actually problems, the answer is often “I knew that straight away”. For the adoptive child, the parents’ attitude towards the adoption is just as important. If the child has understood the adoption as something completely normal and can talk openly about it, it is less vulnerable to others. It will therefore be better able to deal with hostilities from outside. Children entering puberty suffer from identity problems. In the case of an adopted child, this identity disorder is usually even greater. Some classmates may aim for this insecurity. If the optical differences to the parents are very clear, this often exacerbates teasing. You should also prepare your child well for these disputes by giving him a good relationship with his adoption. It happens less often today that a neighbor’s child is not allowed to play with the adopted child or that a close relative refuses contact with the adopted child as a “bastard”. Should this nevertheless occur, you as parents should seek an open discussion.

More information on adoption

If you are looking for help with questions about your adopted child and how to deal with him, you will find some useful addresses in our article “ You can find help here ”. All information about adoption can be found in our Adoption section .

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