How siblings can strengthen each other
They compete and argue, but they also cuddle, stick together and learn from each other – sibling relationships are contradictory, but perhaps that’s why it’s so important. We show the advantages of siblings and how they can strengthen each other.
In about half of German families, parents have two or more children. If three family members suddenly become four or more, then the cards are also reshuffled.
This is not only a challenge, but also an enrichment. Because these new, sometimes changeable relationships expand our understanding of togetherness. And all this in the protected space of the family – as a training ground for “real” life, so to speak.
Attention must be shared
The experiences of the children differ greatly: The firstborn could be sure of full attention – and now has to share it. This can be a hard break. The one-man-show is now over, in the literature there is the term prince or princess fall.
The younger child, on the other hand, has known mom and dad as well as siblings since birth. To do this, it must find its place in this already existing constellation – in some cases even fight for it. Neither is easy.
The fact that the first offspring is already there and the family has already made many experiences has advantages and disadvantages for the following children: In general, mom and dad are usually more relaxed, because they now know better what they really have to worry about and what they can ignore.
In addition, the first offspring has already tested and probably expanded boundaries. The younger ones have more freedom, but also get less attention. Here it is up to the parents to find the right balance.
Benefit from the tutor effect
The successors can therefore dock to many things. You don’t have to fight some conflicts and can avoid some missteps. The older sister or brother is an ever-present role model and provides orientation. The younger ones learn a lot from them, learning some things faster – such as walking, brushing their teeth properly or the bow.
Even important things for school such as vocabulary, reading, writing and arithmetic are quickly taken over by the little ones. In addition, there are – very important – behaviors, social skills and an understanding of rules. They are casually explained to them by their brother or sister in a child-friendly way. Both sides internalize something like this better. This is called the tutor effect.
There are also positive health effects with siblings: Later born often have a stronger immune system, because they are confronted from an early age with the germs etc. of the other child. In general, they have to assert themselves against more things and are therefore usually more courageous, energetic and wild; They don’t put up with everything.
The competition with the sibling often leads to better performance in sports and school for them – especially for boys. They are more adventurous, solution-oriented and creative.
Bodyguard and world opener
Of course, it is also easy to be braver when you have an older person with you – because he or she gives you important tips and backing and also likes to play the bodyguard in conflict situations with other children. In general, the older child takes the younger (sometimes more, sometimes less voluntarily) into his world.
On average, there are about three years between siblings. In this way, the little ones come into contact with big children and their games for adults at an early age – and benefit enormously from it, are ahead of their time.
But this is not a one-way street: even the older siblings have advantages in a family with several children. First and foremost, the successor is another caregiver and thus makes life more multifaceted. Older people who are less fond of cuddling, for example, like to start with it through the younger ones.
Likewise, the basic constellation, in which almost exclusively the parents give instructions and determine while the child follows, is broken. Because with the younger siblings, the older ones like to take on this role – the mentioned tutor effect. This not only strengthens their sense of responsibility and thus also their self-confidence, they also penetrate social behaviors better.
Honestly speak your mind
In general, several children promote the empathy and bonding ability of all family members. Even if the path is sometimes rocky, the advantages can outweigh the disadvantages. An example: While parents often speak with angelic tongues, children often meet each other much more openly and express their opinions completely unfiltered. “That’s not how you paint an excavator!”, “Your dragon can’t fly at all!” or “You’re really bad at playing football” – all this can hurt, but it’s important for your grip on the ground and a healthy self-image.
In a protected area with people they love, children harden each other and are therefore better prepared for similar situations outside the family.
The little ones also strengthen themselves in the confrontation with the parents. Because if two siblings join forces against the two parents, it is at least undecided. And of course, it’s great for children to always have a playmate with them they already know – whether it’s going to the playground, on excursions or on holiday.
Siblings strengthen themselves in dealing with new situations, have more self-confidence together and cope better with crises. They can become allies with inside jokes, a secret language, or even wordless understanding.
More than just friends for life
Conclusion: Children who grow up with siblings benefit later in life. This is also the result of a study by the University of Cambridge. Consideration, understanding and support, but also renunciation, competition and a culture of debate – these are two sides of the same coin.
These experiences shape us into adulthood, also in terms of how we later shape our family life. Unlike friends, we cannot choose relatives. Nevertheless, sibling relationships usually last a lifetime.