Interview with the pedagogue: Tips for children’s sleep
Katia Saalfrank is a qualified pedagogue and music therapist. She is the mother of four sons and lives in Berlin. She knows from her own experience that there is no better way to start a day than with a well-rested smile from your own baby. In our interview, she answers our questions about sleep.
What are the most common problems with sleeping or falling asleep in most families?
This depends on many factors. It also depends individually on how parents perceive their children. Children who do not fall asleep immediately are quickly declared a “problem child” because their parents find it problematic. If a child falls asleep badly or wakes up at night because he has dreamed badly, then it makes sense to look at the previous day first. What did the child experience during the day that could keep him awake? Is the week so exhausting, has it experienced so much that it cannot fall asleep? Questioning one’s own actions is a good way.
To what extent are sleep rituals relevant for the upbringing and sleep behavior of my children?
It is not about education, but about a relationship with the child. Rituals provide security, and the slightest deviation can be unsettling. For me, rituals are different from rules. Because rituals are cherished processes that are supposed to make everyday life easier, and not strict rules. Children develop so fast that you have to stay flexible and attentive. Pay attention to the children and stay attentive, that is the task of us parents, then often develops an intuition for rituals and a gut feeling for everyday life.
What rituals have you introduced in your family?
There are very different rituals. With several children, it is important that you also take time in the evening at the bed to talk and talk to everyone. If possible, do not talk about worries and problems before going to bed, because the children should be able to fall asleep carefree.
What can I try myself to make the topic of “going to bed” a little easier before I consult someone?
There is no shame in consulting someone and exchanging ideas. You have to try it out alone at home anyway. Evening rituals are especially important! There should not be too much air between eating and going to bed, otherwise there will be too much restlessness. In addition, parents sometimes let the children play in bed. This can be difficult, because how are children supposed to understand that the bed is there for sleeping? I experience again and again that parents do not realize what sleep means for children. If you as a parent ask yourself again and again, or question: “What does the child need?”, then new impulses come.
Otherwise, I always think it’s good to involve an external person, because often you don’t see problems yourself anymore, because you’re very stuck over time. The desire to put the children to bed without help and without “big theater” is so great that you no longer ask yourself if something might not be going well with you. Therefore, my recommendation is always to exchange ideas and take an hour at an educational counseling center or to dial a telephone number for counseling. You don’t always have to have a serious problem to get advice – one question is enough.
Do you see differences in the upbringing of working and non-working mothers?
It’s all about relationships. In general, I don’t see any difference in the relationship. Working like not – but working mothers are put under pressure by society. Mothers who go to work are often still considered raven mothers, and those who stay at home are told they are not doing enough, “You’re just a mother!” Parents often have a guilty conscience and fear of losing the love of the child if you listen to the gut feeling. It is difficult to develop a good posture.
Society puts a lot of pressure on parents, a lot is expected, whether working or not. Of course, this pressure of expectation also passes on to the children. In my consultations, I notice again and again that the parents actually have a good intuition, but do not dare to implement it, because they have always been told how it is right or how to do it best – and do not trust themselves. I can only encourage people to inform themselves and develop their own attitude.
Do you recognize differences in the upbringing of young mothers and older mothers?
You mean relationship… there may be differences due to life circumstances and experiences. Older mothers can sometimes be more relaxed. But I also see many young mothers who develop a wonderful calm and are just as confident and secure in their relationship with their children as older ones.
Last question, would your parents have needed a “Super Nanny”?
Nobody really needs a “super nanny”, but I think it’s important that everyone has the opportunity for someone external to try to assess their own situation and exchange ideas with their parents in order to broaden their horizons as much as possible. I was lucky that I had my children during my studies and training, and thus always had a practical relevance and constant exchange.