My child does not fall asleep alone – so what?

My daughter had trouble falling asleep when she was a baby. Lay her alone in the cot and leave her alone to fall asleep? Even then it was unthinkable! She wanted to be held in her arms all the time. It stayed that way as she got older. We always heralded the nap by singing her bedtime songs while rocking her back and forth. In the evening I sat by her bed, held her hand and sang again – until today. She is now six years old.

Experts, counselors and other parents put pressure on them

For a long time I put myself under pressure because I heard from everyone that children had to learn to fall asleep on their own. From other parents and grandparents, I read about it in guidebooks. My friend was and is of the same opinion. So we tried the Ferber method twice, and twice we failed because every maternal instinct in me rebelled against letting my child cry in the room alone. Even if only for a few minutes.

Why is this pressure necessary? Why is it so important for children to learn to fall asleep on their own? I was trained to do this as a baby and I remember all too well how scared I was in my room when I was five. From fire, from burglars, from ghosts. These childhood fears are real and I find it terrifying to leave my child alone with them. My daughter also has a compelling logic when she asks, “Mom, why are you and daddy allowed to sleep in the same bed and I have to sleep here alone?” she is right. I also feel more comfortable when my boyfriend is in bed next to me. So why deny children this sense of security? Especially since it is common in other countries for families to sleep together in one room. Why is it so frowned upon in Germany?

A time of intimate togetherness

For us, the time together in the evening is much more a wonderful time of togetherness. I read my daughter a story, then I tuck her in, say good night and sit in “my” corner. Sometimes it’s quiet right away, but mostly my child asks the most wonderful questions in those minutes before falling asleep, it tells the important stories of the day, it relieves itself of all the ballast it has carried around with it all day. So this exchange is not only important for my child, but also irreplaceable for me to understand what moves and occupies my child. We find solutions, sometimes we just fool around. And once a week I lie down in bed with her and cuddle her to sleep.