Prepare child for siblings

Not all children want a sister or a brother. In the worst case, they react to the birth of a sibling with rejection and jealousy. Good preparation for the forthcoming addition to the family will help your firstborn to get through this phase of life well.

Don’t tell too early about the pregnancy

Children can sense that something is “in the air”. Nevertheless, you should not tell about the baby too early, because small children do not yet have a sense of time and anticipation can quickly become impatient. The younger your firstborn is, the rounder your stomach should be when you break the news. This makes pregnancy much easier to understand and imagine. Be realistic in your conversations. Do not describe the baby as a new, great playmate, but as what it is: a small creature that needs a lot of attention and sometimes cries.

Preparing your child for siblings: This is the best way to tell your child

Feel free to report what is happening to mom’s belly and how the baby is growing. How much you explain depends mainly on your child’s questions and what they already understand. When in doubt, save on the details. They could trigger fear for mom and the new earthling will become the culprit and enemy even before arrival. For the same reason, don’t make a fuss about your circumstance—at least not in front of your child. Because your complaints only allow one conclusion: the baby is to blame.

On the other hand, what all children find exciting: listening to the baby bump, touching it, feeling the little kicks. Being up close and personal has a positive effect on subsequent contact. Find photos of your first pregnancy and snaps of your firstborn. Tell me about good memories and how much everyone was looking forward to the birth at the time. From kindergarten age, picture books that deal with the topic are of good service. They describe the situation for children of all ages in a simple and understandable way.

Make preparations together

Boost the sibling’s confidence. Show him how important it is by including him in the planning. For example when choosing a blanket or teddy bear. Let your child look for something suitable for the baby in their ex-toys. Side effect: the daughter or son learns how to give things away and part with things more easily later on.

When preparing for the birth, many parents successfully rely on the support of a baby doll, which can be fed, changed and mothered in a playful manner. After birth, the child can play with the doll while you are busy with the baby.

share tasks

If, as parents, you don’t already share the maintenance of rituals and cherished habits – for example reading a bedtime story – then now is the time to do so. The sooner your child knows that they can also rely on dad’s attention, the better. And for a future as a foursome, it can only be an advantage if the children are not only fixated on their mother. Enlarge the circle of people you can relate to, intensify contacts with grandma and grandpa, a dear neighbor or friend. If the older child feels comfortable in a different environment, a separation is easier if you have to go to the gynecologist or pediatrician unplanned. With regard to the birth, it is also reassuring to know that the offspring is in good hands should it go to the hospital surprisingly quickly.

The baby is here

As nice as you may have imagined the situation in your head: Do not receive your child in the clinic with the baby in your arms. Your hands should be free for a loving hug! The new sibling can then be casually examined in his bed. Take comments (“But I imagined the baby very differently”) with humor. Never be disappointed if the enthusiasm at the first meeting is limited. Curiosity and interest awaken by themselves at the latest at home. On the other hand, joy and zest for action should not be curbed. If your child already expresses the wish to be able to touch and hold the newborn in the hospital: Allow it as far as possible. Your child is allowed to take on responsibility, you trust them with something – that makes them incredibly proud at this moment.

Babies are usually given rich gifts. And the many gifts can be the ideal breeding ground for the first big tears. Make your child’s heart’s desire come true. Also ask grandparents and other well-wishers who want to buy something to think of both children. The size of the gifts is irrelevant. Rather, the purpose should be that newborns and siblings receive the same attention.

Let your child actively participate in everyday life

If you are busy with the baby: Explain to your child what you are doing and why. This helps build understanding. Also tell your older child what is different compared to their own babyhood. Depending on how old it is, it may help. When giving the bottle, when bathing or applying lotion. Sing a kindergarten song? With pleasure. Read something from the textbook? Great idea. Be sure to support your child if they want to do something good for the baby. But carefully dampen his expectations and lovingly make it clear to him that it will take quite a while for a baby to become a real playmate.

As parents, discuss in good time the division of responsibilities for child care and supervision. The more you can rely on each other in stressful situations – and there will be many of them – the better for everyone.

Plan extra time for the sibling

Consciously plan extra time for your firstborn. Younger children often need a cuddle lesson or a favorite game together to be happy. Older children should be able to choose the design themselves. First of all, it doesn’t matter whether mom or dad come with you to the swimming pool, the playground or the cinema. The main thing: undivided attention that is not disturbed by babies crying. Conversely, it is just as important for the older ones to learn how to keep themselves occupied for a period of time. Incidentally, this ability also promotes the skills of consideration and renunciation in the long term. And they gain importance in kindergarten at the latest.

dealing with jealousy

First of all: Aggressive behavior towards the newborn is much rarer than many parents might fear. However, don’t dismiss it as childish curiosity when the older one pinches the baby – along the lines of: Let’s see what happens? Calmly explain that this hurts; that you are not allowed to do this. Set clear boundaries. When in doubt, it is better not to leave the siblings alone together. Sometimes jealousy takes the form of your child relapsing into babyish behavior to get attention. Smile about it and give in to the urge for this special kind of attention. Success comes naturally, because experience has shown that most children quickly do without a pacifier or milk bottle again. The bottom line is that being bigger is more fun!

Nobody is perfect

Whether during pregnancy or after the birth: Don’t put yourself under pressure as a parent – and especially as a mother. The higher the expectation, the bigger the disappointment when things don’t go so well. You remember from your first pregnancy: everyone needs time to get used to each other. Time that you should now also give your firstborn. Love and affection for the sibling will then come naturally.