Setting rules for children – this is how it works!

Finding a healthy balance when it comes to rules for children

Experts agree that neither an anti-authoritarian, disorderly upbringing nor an upbringing with “discipline and order” are positive for the development of the child. A middle path is preferred, which gives the child freedom while at the same time applying important rules consistently. Rules for children are also important for a non-violent upbringing. Because it’s usually the parents who keep giving in, who at some point explode and become aggressive because the children are constantly dancing on their noses.

Rules for children make living together easier

Whether it’s about eating or tidying up, bedtime, homework, the computer or television – rules and agreements serve as a point of reference for children and parents. They are, so to speak, signposts that show: “This is the way to go.” If children know where they are, they do not constantly try to expand their freedom and can cooperate better, which avoids conflicts. Most of the time, children actually like rules: you just have to listen to the way children are constantly and precisely debating the rules of their game.

Of course, not every little thing in the daily routine should be regulated. The only situations that need regulation are those in which disputes often arise without clear agreements. Take an hour, alone or with your partner, to answer the following questions:

• What are these situations in which there are always arguments or in which you swallow your anger? Should your child get out of bed early in the morning? Don’t mush while eating? Do your homework on time? Or clean up more often? Think about what is most important to you and don’t expect your child to behave perfectly in all situations.
• What is important to you in each situation and what exactly do you expect from your child?
• What agreements can you make with your child? What rules could you make?

Teach children rules

Once you have answered the questions, you must impress the rules on your child, i.e. explain what you want with clear, simple words and frequent repetitions, make eye contact and put on a serious expression. The child remembers the rules best when they can understand the meaning of the rules, for example: shoes belong on the shoe rack and jackets in the cloakroom so that others don’t trip over the things. However, your child will only really learn the rules through consistent application, which you can learn more about in our article “How to raise children consistently” . Without consistency, every rule is worthless! Constantly giving in will dilute your period and eventually your child will stop taking it seriously.