Mother-child relationship: Children release pressure from their mother
Everything was just fine with your child, he was playing with his dad on the playground. But when it comes home and sees you, it bursts into tears because of a scratch that wasn’t worth mentioning until just now. Do you know the feeling of always seeing the worst aspects of your child as a mom? Having to be used for crying and tantrums? Then a study proves you right: In the presence of their mothers, children behave worse than usual.
My 5 year old daughter is coming home from the playground with her dad and I am excited to hug a beaming child who had a lovely afternoon. But as soon as I open the door, I see wide-eyed accusation instead. The lower lip begins to tremble and the tears flow. At some point, between fits of crying and gasping, I can hear that she has obviously hurt her leg. I look questioningly at dad, who just shrugs his shoulders helplessly: “That happened an hour ago and everything was fine then.”
Now this is just one of many situations in which my daughter throws herself into my arms crying and whining or slams the door in my face angrily and upset (yes, they can do that perfectly well at the age of five). Such behavior in a dream would be unthinkable with dad, let alone with other adults.
Study says children behave worse around their mothers
A study — admittedly just a fake study — entitled “ Study: Children Are 800% Worse When Their Mothers are in the Room ” says children are 800 percent worse when their mothers are in the room. This is of course to be read with a wink, nevertheless I dare not doubt the truthfulness of the study, because with us it is lived reality.
Let’s take the classic example: I pick up my child from daycare. According to the teachers everything was fine all day, but on the way home I hear real drama. The boy did this, she quarreled with this friend and anyway, she was so sad! I ask her if anything nice has happened. “We had pudding for dessert.”
Mother-child relationship: Mothers are dumps for negative emotional baggage
I would be lying if I said that this phenomenon within the mother-child relationship does not sometimes push me to my limits. After a day in the office and a hectic shopping spree, I don’t always have the strength to reassure my daughter, comfort her, or deal with her anger. At the end of the day, where else can children be the way they feel if not with mom? Completely unfiltered and real? Without feeling brave. Without feeling like I’m not liked anymore when I’m screaming and crying now.
Being a mom means enduring all the child’s uncomfortable feelings, being a dump for them and still loving them infinitely. And children know that. Mama is the safe haven and the rock in the surf, on which they can always rely, on which they can release the inner pressure. Every crying and tantrum is therefore basically the best compliment we mothers can ever give, because it says nothing more than: “Mom, I trust you that you love me just the way I am.” And that’s what mothers do, unconditionally.
“I love you like you are”
In situations like these, the foundation for a healthy self-confidence is laid. This deep-rooted belief makes children strong. And if there weren’t this bond between mothers and children, something essential in child development would be missing. Because loving yourself and others as they are conveys one of the most important social values: tolerance. So, yes, the study may overshoot the mark a bit, but I endorse the statement immediately. I really like being the dump for my child, even 800%.