Sex after childbirth: when does it work?
When is the right time for sex after childbirth? In the first weeks after birth, sex often falls by the wayside because the new parents have to get used to the new situation. But what happens when the initial excitement has subsided? We will help you to cope with this new situation.
The bed – previously a place of romantic hours for two – takes on a different significance in life with children. There is breastfeeding, swaddling, romping and jumping. And if you’re lucky, you’ve slept too! Sleep is scarce in the first months of your child’s life. Often you fall into bed dead tired, after a goodnight kiss everyone turns around and hopes not to have to get up first when the child screams.
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There are no fixed rules for sex after childbirth. Often, however, the first weeks are still determined by the events of birth. The pelvic floor has to tighten again, the scar of the episiotomy or tear still hurts and the breasts are hot and full.
“When couples feel like having sex again after giving birth is of course very different,” explains midwife Jana Friedrich. “Some like after just a few days, others need months to approach each other sexually again. The efforts of the first time, the lack of sleep, the new being, which also physically demands the nursing woman very much. All this often prevents the emergence of the necessary intimacy and pleasure.”
But even if life with the child has settled in after the first few months, the woman has to find herself anew in her body. Sometimes it is the woman who feels busy and fully stressed with the tasks as a mother after childbirth and does not develop a desire for sex.
But even the man sometimes withdraws. He, too, has to become familiar with his new role as a father and sees his partner for the first time in the role of mother. Maybe he is afraid of hurting his partner or feels carried away by the waking nights.
The first step
- Recognize “Your life is different now than it was before your child was born”: The child occupies a large area of your life, it needs a lot of care and attention. When you get used to the new tasks after some time, space must first be created for your partnership.
- Make an appointment with your partner: Your life with your partner is different now than before, you may not be able to be so spontaneous anymore. Make an appointment at fixed times. It doesn’t have to come to sex right away, just enjoy the closeness of the other and cuddle with each other.
- Have open conversations: The longer you push out the first step, the bigger the inner barrier becomes. Talk about your fears and needs with your partner.
The time has come… the first sex after birth!
Don’t expect too much when you surrender to your partner for the first time. The woman may be tense because she is afraid of pain or pregnancy. The man is afraid of hurting his partner or coming too early.
“Some men are completely fascinated by the unusual circumference of breastfeeding, others are deterred when the milk flow is triggered during orgasm. Some men are too rabid and others are afraid of breaking something,” says Jana Friedrich. “As always, talking and trying things out helps. The rules are made by the couples themselves!”
Sex after childbirth: tips for the first time
- In the first period after birth, the vagina is often dry. A lubricant can help.
- If the woman does not yet have so much feeling in the pelvic floor, she should regularly repeat the exercises of postnatal gymnastics, they strengthen the muscles in this area again.
- Contraception should also be used during lactation so that unwanted pregnancy does not occur. The fear of getting pregnant again can put a strain on the situation. Clarify the appropriate contraception before the time comes!
- Maybe the woman does not feel really comfortable in her body, even if the partner still finds her attractive. If the figure problems burden them, the partner should support them morally, take the problems seriously and encourage them to take action. Even if he doesn’t see it as a problem himself.