Single mothers: problems and how to overcome them

In Germany, mostly single mothers

Single mothers are no longer a rarity in Germany. Almost every fifth family is a single-parent family. Over 2 million children under the age of 18 live with a single parent. In 90 percent of cases, this is the mother.

Separation, death of the father or the conscious decision to raise the child without a partner – there are many reasons that can in principle make any mother a “single parent”. Whatever the reason, single mothers face more hurdles every day than with the support of a partner.

Single mothers: 5 everyday problems in different life situations

A good organization of everyday life is particularly elementary for single mothers. How well this is possible depends above all on the personal life situation. Several interdependent factors and circumstances play a role here, which we will discuss in more detail below:

• Employment vs. time for the child: Many single mothers are employed, mostly full-time. Many certainly have no other choice for financial reasons, but for the majority it is important anyway to pursue a profession and to realize themselves in it. Regardless of their motivation, working, single mothers often find themselves in conflict. On the one hand, they are financially secure as far as possible, on the other hand, there is often less time for the child, for example, if they come home late from work in the evening or have to work on weekends. A tightly organized schedule – from supermarket shopping to house cleaning to leisure activities with the child – is common practice for many single mothers. Sufficient time for themselves is often neglected.
• Childcare: Working, single mothers are mainly dependent on well-functioningchildcare, especially if the child is still small and trusted caregivers are important. This is not always easily possible, for example if there are no suitable childcare places available or if the opening hours of the daycare center and the working hours of the mother get in the way. Also, single mothers must always expect to have to reorganize at short notice, for example if the child is ill or school ends earlier. So it is not surprising that private care options, e.g. by grandparents or friends, are an integral part of the everyday planning of many single, working mothers. You can find out more about the possibilities of childcare and corresponding legal regulations in our article “Rights and financial assistance for single parents”.
• Employer: Many single mothers feel embarrassed to their employer if they are absent more often or less flexible than other colleagues because of their child. They fear disadvantages, such as reduced opportunities for advancement, and are afraid of dire consequences such as dismissal. Many single mothers would therefore like their employer to have more understanding of their situation and more flexible working time models. For example, single mothers often choose their employer from the outset on the basis of organisational aspects, such as flexible working hours, travel times and childcare options, rather than personal interests and development opportunities. For these reasons, thefederal initiative “Networks of effective assistance for single parents” has set itself the task of improving the compatibility of family and career. To this end, from 2011 to 2013, the establishment and expansion of local networks will be promoted at 102 locations in Germany, which are intended to make better work prospects possible for single parents. Initial successes have already been recorded.
• Single mothers out of work: Despite the general willingness to work, more than a third of single mothers are dependent on state support, e.g. unemployment benefits. Inflexible working hours and a lack of childcare options make it impossible for many single mothers to work or to combine study and work. Likewise, a lack of qualifications, such as school-leaving qualifications or training, are often the reason for unemployment. Here, too, improvements are to be achieved, for example through education vouchers from the Employment Agency or programmes such as “Networks of effective assistance for single parents”, which make it possible for single mothers to integrate into the labour market in the long term while at the same time providing childcare.
• Relationship to the child’s father: Regardless of the financial demands, a good relationship with the father of the child makes everyday life easier for many single mothers. They can take into account the father in their scheduling and also in emergencies and ask for support. Even important decisions in the interests of the child, such as health issues or the choice of school, do not rest solely on the shoulders of the mothers. Regular visiting days with the father also make it possible for single mothers to take time for themselves. This is important and ultimately also benefits the child. Unfortunately, the reality is often different. Many fathers do not value contact or are unreliable. It is understandable that this causes displeasure among many single mothers. In some cases, joint counselling, e.g. at the youth welfare office or an independent social counselling centre, can help to improve contact with the father and calm conflicts. In our section “Rights vis-à-vis the ex-partner”, we have also compiled further information for single mothers about maintenance, custody and access rights.