To the mother whose child does not want to go to daycare

Phew, done! That moment, when I realized that we had survived the adjustment phase, was really relieving.

But suddenly my 4-year-old daughter refused to get out of bed in the morning. She dawdled, she grumbled, she suddenly had inexplicable stomach pains. If that didn’t help, she would cling to me and wail miserably, “Mom, I don’t want to go there!”

The whole game starts over

I know that. That’s exactly how it was at the beginning of the acclimatization. And to be honest, I was a little happy at first. My little one is just a mother’s child. And the fact that she shows it so openly is extremely good for me and my ego. But I can’t always hold her hand, after all. She has to find friends, learn things, discover the world – sometimes even without me.

When she found her first friends, going to kindergarten was no longer a problem. She liked going there, even putting on her shoes on her own and almost jumping into her group. Now she’s in a phase where she doesn’t want to go to bed at night so she doesn’t have to get up early in the morning.

What am I doing wrong?

At first I felt really miserable when my daughter got upset before (or during) daycare because she didn’t want to go there. She cried, she dropped to the ground and on a particularly bad morning she even yelled at me for how mean I was for sending her HERE.

I doubted myself. While the other children said goodbye to their parents, I had to try to calm my child down and try to keep myself from crying too. What was I doing wrong? Why was it so easy for others? did i fail

Why doesn’t my child want to go to daycare?

Gradually, however, I learned to understand my child a little better – and not to blame myself. The reasons for the daycare strike phases are as varied as they are unpredictable. Here are a few things that made my little one “hate” daycare:

– She had a fight with her best friend
– Her favorite teacher was ill
– After the holidays some children went to school and new ones joined the group
– One of her best friends had already gone on holiday with his parents a week before the start of the holidays

My child is generally one of the more shy characters. She doesn’t like big crowds and she doesn’t like very loud noises. She doesn’t make friends with everyone, but has a handful of children that she really likes.

Actually, I think that’s great too – my daughter has her own character. But if something changes in her usual (daycare) environment, she just needs a little longer to get used to the new situation.

How I learned to deal with daycare frustration

If you are one of those parents whose children find themselves in a phase where they refuse day care, I would like to recommend a few things that have helped me a lot.

1. Other parents know that too! Sooner or later you will find out that other children also like to buck. Often you won’t notice it because it happens at home. But what is important is that you are not alone. I’ve made some good friends on the parenting front who are struggling through the same phases and it’s very good to know that.

2. The educators are your friends! It helps immensely to develop a close relationship with the educators. I keep asking myself whether something has changed in the kindergarten – that also helps me to understand my child better. Cooperation is terribly important here. You can assume that your child usually doesn’t know why they don’t feel like going to daycare. Together with the educators, however, you can often get to the bottom of the matter very well.

3. Listen, but stand firm! It is super important that you take your child’s concerns seriously. A “don’t be rude” has never helped anyone. But a “okay, then we’ll stay at home today” doesn’t either. I try to take my daughter’s worries and fears seriously, but then I keep explaining to her that she still can’t just stay at home because then things can’t get any better.

4. When things get really bad: make compromises! Of course, the infamous reward system also works here. It can then look like this: we agree that I’ll pick up my little one from daycare earlier one day a week. That alone ensures that she feels understood and taken seriously.

5. And most importantly: You didn’t do anything wrong! Sometimes your child doesn’t like going to kindergarten. This has nothing to do with being too attached to you, having some “social problem” or being a bad mother. There are phases, they come and they go. Don’t freak out about it. What you experience is normal madness – and if you pull together, you can do it 🙂