Does your baby only fall asleep while breastfeeding?

It is a common phenomenon that children past infancy can only fall asleep at the breast or with a bottle in their mouth. From the age of six months, a baby is actually sufficiently developed physically to sleep through the night without food. If your older child still only falls asleep on your breast or with the bottle in his mouth and continues to sleep through the night, he has probably got used to sucking more than he is really hungry. If the habit bothers you, for example because you have to help your child get back to sleep in this way at night, you can reduce this so-called “sleep-pacifier association” in your child.

When is weaning useful?

In her book “Sleep instead of screaming” the author presents her specially designed weaning plan to break down the sleep-sucking association, with which the weaning should succeed particularly gently and without crying. If you decide to implement this plan, you should be aware that the nights will initially become more restless in the next few days or even weeks. A gentle weaning without tears just takes time. But you can also be sure that the change will be permanent. Elizabeth Pantley summarizes the following scenarios under sleep-suck association:

• Your child only falls asleep while breastfeeding: Especially with regard to breastfeeding, the difference to certain sleep training programs becomes clear. What relevant developers and authors often describe as an unfavorable or negative sleep aid, Elizabeth Pantley feels as the most natural process in the world. From her point of view, the problem is not the association “breastfeeding = falling asleep”, but the hectic life, which does not plan to look after your own child exclusively. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a problem to simply wait until the child gives up the need to breastfeed on its own. However, if you find it bothersome to just put your child to sleep in this way, the weaning plan is a great choice.
• Your child only falls asleep while it is being bottled: Pantley believes that there are three reasons against using a bottle as a sleep aid: 1. Sucking caries caused by artificial baby food or juices. Falling asleep with the teat in the mouth leaves some liquid in your child’s mouth. 2. Your child has only gotten used to sucking and is actually not hungry. It takes in more than it actually needs. 3. The nightly effort to prepare a bottle. From Pantley’s point of view, bottle weaning is definitely recommended.
• Your child only falls asleep with a pacifier: The pacifier can also trigger a sleep-pacifier association. Basically, it is common practice for children between the ages of three months and two years to use a pacifier. It becomes problematic if your child only falls asleep with a pacifier, loses it during the night and cannot find it again on its own. So it depends on your help. From the age of two, children are usually able to find the pacifier again. Spreading multiple pacifiers around the bed also helps. You should therefore carefully consider whether you want to wean your child off the pacifier in your current situation or simply wait until the problem resolves itself. More useful information about sleeping with a pacifierand how to wean older children off the pacifier in general, you can also find this in our magazine.

“Pantley’s Gentle Weaning Plan”

Below you will find the exact procedure according to “Pantley’s gentle weaning plan”.

• Start weaning in the evening, before you go to sleep.
• Give your baby the breast or bottle as usual.
• As soon as you notice that the sucking movement is slowing down and your baby is relaxing, carefully remove the nipple or teat from your child’s mouth.
• If your child starts up, try to gently shut his mouth.
• If he protests or fights back, give him the breast or nipple back. After all, it shouldn’t cry.
• In this case, repeat the whole thing after a short time (after 10 to 60 seconds). Under no circumstances should your child fall asleep with the sucking object in its mouth.
• Repeat the whole thing until your child gives up his resistance.
• Then put him in his bed.
• Continue this form of weaning for several days, both in the evening and at night when your baby wakes up. After about 10 days you should be able to see an improvement.
• Follow this process until your child falls asleep completely without a breast or bottle.

Special feature: stop breastfeeding or bottles in the family bed

If your child sleeps in your bed, you may have already developed a common sleeping rhythm, so that you automatically wake up with every little movement of the other. If you are always breastfeeding your child at the moment so that it can find its way back to sleep and now you want to change this without moving your child out of the shared bed right away, you should first observe very closely whether your child is actually waking up or maybe just sleeping noises gives. If you can tell the difference, you’ll only need to breastfeed him when he’s actually waking up. To completely wean him off his late-night mealtimes, you can follow Pantley’s gentle weaning plan – see her book Sleep, Don’t Scream for more information. Another weaning option in this situation is to have your partner or another trusted person lie next to your child for about a week and “comfort” them back to sleep, such as by rocking or humming. However, the bottle should not be given as this would only mean breast replacement and not weaning from feeding.

Alternative method of weaning

The “Plan for learning to sleep” from the book “Every Child Can Learn to Sleep” offers another approach to breaking the habit or changing sleeping habits . The instructions presented there, which are primarily intended as an emergency program for exhausted parents, can also be used for other problems falling asleep and provide for letting your child cry for a defined period of time. With consistent implementation, success is usually achieved within a few days. The method is controversial. Above all, critics complain about the stress factor that crying can trigger in a child. You can find a comparison between this sleep tutorial and Elizabeth Pantley’s gentle methods in our article “Sleep Tutorial vs. Gentle Methods”.. Maybe this can support you in deciding on a measure.

Whichever measure you ultimately decide on, it is important that you can stand behind it and feel comfortable with the implementation. Only tackle a change if you are really sure that you want it and not because other people around you, for example, suggest it to you.