How do you break up The Separation Discussion – Helpful Tips
A separation interview is always an emotionally stressful situation. The separation of a married couple is about more than just the end of a partnership. However, if every attempt to save the relationship has failed, the only thing left is separation. But how do you break up? We give you some tips for the separation interview.
Give a warning shot before breaking up
The thought of separation is usually preceded by a long period of uncertainty. Many problems give rise to the thought of a breakup. So before you go directly down this path, you should fire a warning shot and confront your partner directly with your doubts. “If our relationship continues like this, I will break up with you” – this sentence clearly makes it clear that there are serious problems. With a bit of luck, after such a clarifying conversation, the relationship will improve again.
Fighting guilt before the breakup interview
Don’t feel guilty because, after much deliberation, breaking up is the only solution. You can’t be with your partner forever just to avoid hurting them. Even if you’re afraid of reproaches or sentences like “I can’t live without you”, you have to stay strong. Such statements are usually simply exaggerations. When the first pain is over, the ex-partner will be better again. If the relationship just can’t be saved, then it’s better for everyone involved to end it – especially when couples have children.
How does my partner react to the separation discussion?
Men react very differently to their partner’s decision to break up. It can happen that the partner reacts completely differently than expected. But no matter what his reaction is, you should accept it! Whether he puts on his poker face and lights a cigarette, bursts into tears or gets loud – it’s his feelings. You should give them space. It may well be that the separation comes as a surprise to the partner despite the warning shot. So it’s important to give him the opportunity to show his feelings.
Note: If there is a fear that the partner might react aggressively, precautionary measures should be taken. Ideally, the separation meeting then takes place in a public and busy place where you can get help quickly or escape in an emergency.
The separation discussion via telephone, e-mail or SMS should actually be avoided. In special situations, when there is a risk for those who want to separate, it is quite legitimate to separate in this way.
How do I conduct the separation interview?
how do i say it It’s usually the most important question. Finding the right words is not that easy. Although you know your partner and therefore know how to convey this message gently, it will always be painful and uncomfortable. Two important points should always be considered in the separation discussion:
- It is important to primarily send “I-messages” in the statement. “I’ve always felt…” or “It developed like this for me…”. In this way, one does not make direct accusations against the other party and avoids an unnecessary escalation.
- It is worth thinking about what you want to say before the interview. If there have been big blunders in the relationship, these do not have to be discussed repeatedly in the separation interview – these topics could quickly lead to unwanted arguments.
The end of the breakup
At some point, a breakup talk comes to an end. It’s important not to just disappear or leave behind an ex-partner who is in disarray or yelling at you. The right moment to end the conversation is silence – the silence that shows that all that needed to be said has been said. After all, your ex-partner should also have the opportunity to withdraw. However, if a discussion with questions and accusations arises, this should be quickly toned down. Make it clear to him that this dispute will also lead to nothing and that you are sure of your decision.
If you leave the house, the cafe or the park after the breakup talk and your ex-partners will not see each other again for the time being, they should say goodbye to each other politely. With the farewell, however, no false signals should be set, i.e. no too intimate hug or a kiss. Distance is now important to clarify the end of the relationship. But you shouldn’t just run away either. The golden mean is required here.