What values are important – and how we teach them to children
Values give us orientation on our way through life. The pictorial map for this is designed by the family. But what are values, which are important and why? How can we teach them to our children? And what do we have to pay attention to? We have put together answers for you.
Let’s think of our life as a journey: how are we supposed to know where our destination is? What direction do we need to take? How should we decide at a fork in the road? And above all, how are our children supposed to know all this if we let them go alone?
Map, compass, stars in the sky, signs at a crossroads – we need tools on our journey to show us the way. This function is performed by values. With them, we can assess situations that we encounter and set goals – in order to then be able to assess the ways and means to achieve these goals.
What are values anyway?
We quickly come up with keywords – some of which are very weighty: honesty, responsibility, reliability, independence, independence, discipline, loyalty, consistency, tradition. But it is also more relaxed: joie de vivre, enthusiasm, openness, attention, serenity, peacefulness. And again and again it is about togetherness: security, cordiality, trust, friendship, love, tact, consideration, empathy, justice, respect, tolerance, solidarity, appreciation.
Values are therefore cornerstones of successful coexistence. They are signposts, but at the same time also drives. Because which one we choose shows what we stand for, which people we want to be and what kind of community we want to live in.
Which values are important?
Which values we consider important for ourselves and our children is very individual. Anyone who deals with the topic should answer the following questions: What did I find good and what bad about my upbringing? What should living together in my family look like? How do I want to be treated by others? What qualities do I admire in other people? Which would make our world a better place? And finally: What qualities do I want from my child and how can I support him?
Subsequently, the result should be compared with the partner and other important family members, such as grandmas and grandpas. After all, open exchange, joint decision-making and compromises are important. The children can also sit at the table when it comes to such family topics – but of course this only makes sense if they can understand the conversation.
Values are mainly transmitted in the family
The family is the place where children find orientation. They align themselves with the other members. The family is, so to speak, our society in small – a kind of training ground for the big world. Here, the next generation learns what they need to get along later and with others: values. And parents have the greatest influence on them.
For while some basic values – such as charity – can be found in all cultures, they are by no means innate. Every person acquires them over time, adapts them and lets them solidify. This is a lifelong and therefore never-ending process. New impulses can come from people who enter our lives, or from drastic life events.
But we get the foundation from the people who are closest to us from the beginning: from our parents, from our upbringing. And when the little ones grow up and make decisions independently, mum and dad can see what they have “given the offspring on their way”.
How are values passed on?
Parents teach values to their children in two ways. Directly, by talking to their son or daughter, praising and reinforcing certain behaviors, and rejecting others. But the indirect way is also important: the parents as role models must exemplify the values. And they have to create an environment in which these values can be experienced – for example through the appropriate toys, books and films.
It is therefore crucial to fill these partly rather abstract concepts with life. Of course, the placement must be age-appropriate. Especially small children are still very affect-controlled: The mold of the neighbor is particularly great and is sometimes torn away ruthlessly. In this phase, parents should first and foremost convey empathy – preferably through played and exaggerated emotions. For example, if mom or dad gets a fist, they should show their pain so that the child puts himself in their shoes and realizes the consequences of his actions.
To put the situation into words and to show larger and more abstract connections only makes sense for primary school children. Around puberty, the parents have time, then the value foundation of the offspring is laid. Subsequently, the task is more that the children do not forget what they have learned.
What should be taken into account when conveying values?
Credibility and integrity are very important points here. Because children will notice – whether consciously or unconsciously – when their parents say one thing and act on the other. As an example: Parents themselves should not speak ill of others, but should be open-minded and help them when they need help. It becomes clear that we should only select and represent those values for ourselves and our family that really suit us and can be adhered to by us.
In addition, children are more likely to accept values if there is a warm, trusting and open relationship in the family. It is also clear that parents have more knowledge, more experience, more assertiveness – but values must still be conveyed at eye level. Especially when it comes to not treating anyone from above, for example.
It can be exciting when parents want to educate their children to question things critically. First and foremost, they will feel it themselves. Continuing to exemplify values such as serenity and self-criticism can be a major challenge. But usually one that is worthwhile for all sides. Because values can literally make family life even more valuable.