This is how the relationship with a single mother works

Being in a relationship with a single mother can be challenging for new partners. In this article we explain how you can successfully deepen the relationship and what you should pay attention to.

Advice for a successful relationship with a single mother

After getting to know each other and the intention to deepen the relationship with the single mother , it would be good if you showed sympathy for the situation of your new partner from the beginning.

Depending on the child’s age, the mother may be dealing with puberty. The child is more than dissatisfied with the world around it and only throws accusations around, which can emotionally move the mother a lot. Or the child is still very small and has so far only been cared for by the mother. In both age groups, you are now suddenly and suddenly there as a disruptive factor.

Neither child will be thrilled, and the single mother may be completely overwhelmed and taken by surprise. With understanding you can achieve more than just pushing through your own goals. If you are compassionate and forgiving and also heed some of our tips and advice, you will surely be able to build a successful and intensive relationship with the single mother and her child. 

  • Valuable time: As a single parent, your new partner has to fulfill several jobs at the same time. In addition to household and childcare, she still has to manage her everyday work and attend additional appointments in the day care center, school or sports club. In her free time, she may not always feel like meeting you. She also needs alone time to recharge her batteries. That’s why she won’t be able to keep every date, cancel more often or postpone appointments. Instead of being mad at her, be empathetic and instead offer to do a thing or two for her.
  • Priorities: The love between you will also be very important and precious for your partner. However, she will also feel a special love for her child, since the child grew up under her heart. The other love will always put her above your love. Be prepared. However, the child is not a competitor to you. His well-being is just a higher priority. 
  • The ex-partner: The ex remains the biological father of the child, regardless of whether they are divorced or separated, whether they have broken up positively or negatively. The joint responsibility for the well-being of the child also remains in the case of newly developed relationships with other partners. For you, this means that the ex can show up from time to time because your partner needs to discuss something with him. The contact with him will remain and is also important for the child. Try not to get jealous and make claims.  
  • Getting to know the child: For all of you, getting to know each other will be a big and emotionally charged affair. Maybe the child will ask you questions or it will confront you with its fear of becoming its new dad. You cannot plan the outcome of this situation of getting to know each other. So it’s best to have a lot of patience with the child, be nice to it and get a little attention that you discuss with the mother. The child had to deal with the separation from the father and accept the breakup of the family. The bad memories can only fade if it has positive experiences. 
  • Unreliabilities: They will be the order of the day. The priority is the child, his well-being is the priority for your partner. There will be a million reasons why your partner won’t show up on time, why she cancels meetings, or why things are going chaotically. Accusations and bad mood don’t help. Learn to love family chaos and come to terms with it. This makes life more colorful and exciting.

Well planned is half the battle

In your relationship with a single mother, planning is everything. A lasting and happy relationship works best if you both structure it well together. The everyday life of a single parent is stressful and complicated from home. Finding regular time for your new partner is often difficult due to the many commitments.

If you realize that time is a problem, plan times together. A lunch break may be a good idea for this. Or you pick up your sweetheart from work. On the way to daycare or school, you spend at least a few minutes alone together.

If you are in contact with your biological father and you have arranged a visitation  plan, plan such times for both of you. Weekends are also ideal for a short vacation for two, for example. If the child reacts positively to you, spends time together as a threesome and builds up these times together more and more.

At some point there may come a time when the moving in together will be completed. Time is now overlaid by the topic of circadian rhythms. You should plan carefully who will take on which roles in the household and who will come and go at what times.

Be conscious of your relationship with the child

Building a relationship with a child does n’t happen overnight. Everything takes time and, above all, patience. In any case, include your loved one. Share your worries and fears, problems and conflicts with her . Only together will you succeed in building a new family situation. 

In any case, you should clarify educational issues. It is not always clear whether the new man at mom’s side should also take on the role of father. Discuss with your partner whether you can have a say in decisions or whether you would like to continue raising her alone as a mother. 

Careful handling of the child is important. Keep smiling at them, be friendly and nice. If you can help educate, stick to firmly agreed rules. Only when you and your loved one pull together will the child learn respect.

Always be honest. The child has already been through enough in his life and must have experienced many untruths when mom and dad separated. Something like this rarely happens. It would be all the better if it experienced a reliable and trusted relationship partner in you and there were no further disappointments.

Finally: Allow the child and its mother freedom. This helps keep the child from feeling neglected.  

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